Just make BEE-live

Tick tock tick tock.

2012-01-31T11:45:00.004+08:00

There are a lot of things to do, a lot of places to go, a lot of people to meet.

But laziness is the root of all evil. It prevents you from being at your best. I admit that my laziness is not helping me to be a better person. Laziness is a hindrance to success. And thus, I declare war on laziness.

Procrastination too, happens because of laziness. It does me no good, in fact, it will only make things worse. But then again, to work under pressure, catching up deadlines, it gives me an adrenaline rush, like gambling, I'm risking my chances just for the thrill of it.

And there's a price to pay for being unorganized, too. Losing things, losing time searching for things, hurting yourself stepping on things. So make time to fold your shirts, clean the bathroom, wash the dishes after every meal, make your bed after you wake up.

There are so many things to do, so many people to meet, so many places to go. It all starts from here, it all starts now. The clock is ticking, don't let opportunities pass you by.

This is the time of your life, Bee. Make the best of it.

Amnesia.

2011-11-29T14:01:00.004+08:00

I am a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, a lecturer to my students, a lover to my man, a friend to many, a stranger to others, and most importantly, a servant to the Creator.

What if one day, I lose it all. Who will I be if I'm not a daughter, a sister, a lecturer, a lover, or a friend? Who am I exactly without my roles? What will I be without them? Who will I be to them?

I am a person. Without my roles, I am still a person. But what kind of person am I?

Have I been a good daughter to my parents? a helpful sister to my siblings? a dedicated lecturer to my students? a loving partner to my favourite person? a thoughtful friend to my friends? a kind stranger to those who don't know me? Have I been an obedient servant to Allah?

Who am I exactly?

Will I be able to find myself if I lose it all?

What will I remind you of?

Will. We. Are.

2011-11-04T11:02:00.004+08:00

Do you believe in free will?

Do you believe that we have the freedom or power to decide whatever we want, to shape our lives regardless of the force behind it, that we are responsible of our own actions, and we create our own destiny and we decide how we want to live our lives?

Or do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, everything happens the way it's supposed to?

Yes, it seems easier to leave it all to chance, to let fate decides. But does it really work out that way?

There are things in life that are beyond our comprehension, beyond our control.

Yes I do believe in free will.

We can't just simply blame it on fate for everything that has happened in our lives. God gives us the ability to think, to rationalize things, to choose and make our own decision in life. We are not like puppets, we have to take responsibility of our own actions, because I believe that some things happen because of our own free choices.

But I also believe in God's will. Pardon me I'm not an expert on this, guide me if I'm wrong. I believe in the divine will and decree (Qadha' and Qadhar). Even though we are given the choice to choose, it won't happen without God's will. So everything will fall back to its nature. We can choose, but God decides. Only God can allow things to happen, good or bad.

We are given the choice to choose, the 'aqal to think. And I believe that we are responsible of our own actions.

So don't simply blame it on fate.

Remember, some people are tested for patience and some for gratitude. We will be tested for as long as we live. Being poor vs. rich, sickness vs. health, loneliness vs. companionship.

For whatever reason, the end doesn't justify the means. If you want to be rich, there are ways. But choose wisely. Bribery? Gambling? Or work smarter, pay your zakat and pray? Maybe by giving a bribe you can be filthy rich, but what will happen next? Maybe you can't be rich no matter how much effort you put in, but remember life is full of tests. And in the end, everything will be judged by God.

So choose wisely.

Indeed, Allah is all knowing, all powerful.

Because you are your own hero.

2011-10-25T09:52:00.004+08:00

Hello. Take a look at yourself. You are someone. You can be anything you want to be. You can be everything. So what's stopping you? Challenge yourself, take risks, make mistakes, learn from them. Be your own hero. Do not give hate a chance. People may hurt you, so learn to forgive them. Cry if you want to, then let go. Don't hold a grudge, it's not worth it. Do not be disappointed over the things that you can't control. When you are facing a problem, ask yourself will it still matter after some time? Take a deep breath. Relax. Do not over-think. Stop worrying too much, it will do you no good. Be kind, everybody is fighting a hard battle. Love truly and never stop believing. Do what you love. Just live your life and enjoy it. It is your life. You decide how you want to live it. So screw others. Smile a lot. Laugh a lot, do not take things too seriously. But never take things for granted. Create memories. Learn to trust. Learn to appreciate. Learn to accept. Do not expect too much from others, you will be less disappointed. Be crazily in love. Do not give up hope. Have faith in what you do. Believe in yourself. Live life. Live in the moment. This is the time of your life, and it's ending one minute at a time, so just fucking live it and make the most out of it.

THANK YOU

2011-10-11T14:30:00.003+08:00

The world doesn't know me the way you do.

And I don't wanna be like I used to.

Because of you.

So thank you.

Sempre.

2011-10-04T13:03:00.006+08:00

Power. Love. Freedom. Fun.

Which one would you choose first?

What you choose as your priority reflects your outlook on life, it reflects the kind of person you are. It represents the drive of your life.

To me, I choose love over anything else. With love, nothing else seems to matter. Love wins, it always does. I would trade everything that I have just to love and be loved, true story.

It doesn't make me weak, it makes me stronger. Even when there are times that love fails, hope always prevails. Because I know that my heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. When people say that it's not worth it to hold on to it, I still believe in what I believe in. And I believe in love.

The problem with love is that if it's not mutual, it will kill you. You can't force the other party to love you back. What is even worse is that it is possible for people to fall out of love. A change of heart will break the one who is still in love with the partner whom has fallen out of love.

Hope is a good thing, but false hope will ruin you.

Do not ever be deceived by infatuations. Yes, it's tempting, the other women may be pretty and sexy and they may give you goosebumps when you are with them, you get carried away and you think about them a lot, but an infatuation will end shortly. So do not ever be tempted by infatuations. Be loyal to your partner. Because as tempting as it may be, an infatuation will end fast and it will ruin your relationship with the one who you actually, truly love, but you're just too dumb to realize that. Be contented and be grateful with what you have. Your partner may not be perfect, she may annoy you with her bimboness, or what the johorians called as "lempong", but you know what you feel for her is real, and you know it in your heart that she is the only one you truly love.

Bullshit.

That's just the hormones talking.

I'm sorry.

Let's just leave it all to chance and fate.

Because Allah knows best.

Ti amo sempre.

Who needs super powers?

2011-09-23T12:23:00.014+08:00

I have vowed to donate blood every year on my birthday. The significance of that, well, it's the day I was born, May 30th 1986, the very first day of my life on this earth so maybe, the least I could do to save another living soul is by donating blood. But this year, I didn't have the chance to do so. Not on my special day. I was so caught up with work matters since I have just started the journey of my career as an educator at that time. Work's good, but more on that later.

So now it's 4 months late but I did it anyway (:

You know, blood and needles always give me the creeps. I'm afraid of blood, seriously. It gives me the chills. And I can't stand getting hurt, even getting just a small paper-cut I'd freak out or cry a little. Anything to do with blood, sorry man, I surrender. But what the hell, I just have to man up and do it and guess what? It feels extremely good, it's like ice creams and chocolate cakes for the soul, I feel so psyched the world's dancing with me! Yes I was afraid at first, I looked away because I just can't stand it, I asked whether it'll hurt so many times, I was so nervous I felt like crying. But the health care workers helped to calm me down by saying that it won't hurt and everything's gonna be okay. Embarrassing, I know, but it's blood!! And the needles, God, it's just creepy okayy.

So anyway everything's fine. I did it, yay. It felt incredibly good. I so wanna do it again! Even though the doctor said that my blood pressure is quite low, but I survived it. Congatulations, Badjie Xbietaquauallah. And funny thing is, I just found out that my blood type is actually B, not O. My Mom said that my blood type is O so I have lived everyday of my life believing that my blood type is O, until this very day.

You know there are many advantages of donating blood. You can get free basic medical check-up, like before you're allowed to donate blood, they will check your blood pressure, pulse, and other vital signs to know your health condition. It can also lower your iron levels which can help reduce the risk of heart disease. The process of replenishment of blood can also help your body to function more efficiently. And besides all the physical health benefits, most importantly, it makes you feel good, like a hero, you get to save a life.

So yeah, we don't need any super powers to save a life (:

You've just been inception-ed!

2011-09-19T15:42:00.005+08:00

I really wanted to do a prank, a badass prank. Just for the fun of it. I mean, why so serious? Life is hilarious anyway.

So here's the plan for a badass prank.

1. Gather like 4 or 5 people who are willing to do this prank.

2. Target a victim. A stranger who just woke up from his/her sleep/nap.

3. Wait til he/she is awake and starting to get going.

4. Then one of you bump into that person and say this, "This is a dream". Then leave him/her.

5. Another person (one of you) come to that person after that and get to say this, "Wake up, you are still dreaming". And then just walk away.

6. Then the other person come next and say this, "This isn't real. This is just a dream. Wake up!" And leave like nothing happens.

7. Then continue by saying this, "You have to wake up now. Wake up, or you can never escape this dream, forever." And leave.

8. Then just watch that person from a distance.

Yes bro, you have just been inception-ed!

P/s: It will work best after Asar, you know how it is when you sleep after Asar, right? You'll be like "Shit, what day is it? Where am I? Who are you? Who are these people?", right? So there.

I'm just bored hence the random idea of pranking strangers. Blergh.

Sekejap ada, sekejap takde!

2011-08-30T09:27:00.010+08:00

I was not a huge fan of homemade choc chip cookies, probably because I have been disappointed by the taste before. I preferred to just buy them from the store, like Chipsmore, Famous Amos, Marks & Spencer's and the like. But last year someone asked me to bake him choc chip cookies, as well as pineapple tarts, which are both his favorite kuih raya, and must be from my air tangan adoyai. So I asked for the recipe from friends and aunties, but the cookies didn't taste right. Too sweet, too fragile they crumble in hand, ada bau dan rasa telur, which I really dislike. Why can't they taste like those in the store?! Isk.

So I have made some alterations to the recipe, according to my taste buds. Here goes, yeah!

1 block of butter (250g)- SCS/Anchor Fernleaf (because of the creamy taste and texture)

2 1/2 cups superfine flour

1/3 cup brown sugar

70g (4 tbspoon) caster sugar

1 tspoon vanilla essence

1/4 tspoon baking soda

1/4 tspoon salt

3 cups Hershey's semisweet choc chip!

1. Preheat oven to 180 degree celsius

2. Mix butter, vanilla essence, brown sugar and caster sugar by using the mixer

3. Sift flour, baking soda and salt, add to the mixture

4. Add choc chip into the batter, mix them well

5. Put a spoonful of the batter onto the baking pan

6. Bake for 10 minutes.

Freshly baked from the oven, cookie orgasm! Ahhhhhh~ Oh yesss yessss yeahhhhhhhh ahhh~

P/s: Optional, boleh cecah dengan fresh milk or makan dengan vanilla ice cream, selain dari buat kuih raya. Nom nom nom!

P/s/s: Sorry Ibu, Bee petik white orchid Ibu buat decoration. Padhal kadang-kadang saje petik senyap-senyap buat taruk kat celah telinga gedik-gedik hee.

This is the first eid for me to give out duit raya to my parents, siblings, cousins, nephews and nieces. So I decided to just go easy on the preparation, I only bought a pair of baju kurung, no new high heels, no new handbag, just one pair of baju kurung. I spend more on grocery shopping, especially to bake cookies and cakes. Well, my parents deserve every cent of my salary, because they have done so much, they have gone through hell to raise me up, I can never thank them enough. And hari raya is not just about looking good with expensive stuff, it's about sharing good time with family and relatives, eating yummy food, forgiving each other and just get connected (:

SO YEAH, SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR BATIN, YAW!!!!!!!

Disappointment

2011-08-20T12:38:00.003+08:00

The name is Badjie Xbietaquauallah Binti Ibadallah.

Which means, Bad+jie with the fear of Allah.

Bad is derived from my dad's name, Ibadallah.

Jie is from my mom's, Fauziah.

It is pronounced "Beji Bitakuallah", with silent "X".

Yes. I have to explain this to everyone who asks me about my name. Some questions are predictable, like "Where did you get your name?", "How to pronounce your name?", "What are your other siblings' names?", "Are you Malaysian/Malay?" etc, you get the drift.

Yes, my dad gave me my name. Thank you Ayah, for this life-long torture, to have to explain to people, even strangers, about my name. I love you, regardless. You're the best. It's mind-blowing to go by this name, like hey I'm Badjie Xbietaquallah, nice to meet you. Sounds like I'm talking in a foreign language, sexy. It's kindda different to have a name like this when most of my friends are named Nurul or Nur or Siti. I was born in the 80's, so that explains. So yeah, my dad is a genius. In the 80's, mind you. Win.

Nonetheless, I'm grateful to have such a beautiful name. Badjie, with the fear of Allah. It's a prayer, to always fear God, to remind myself that Allah is the greatest, to Allah I belong.

With a name like this, how could I get so screwed up? How could things go so wrong? How could love be so hurtful, even long after it's gone? How could I be so broken? How couldn't love find me? How could I be so lonely? How could time be so unkind? How could TAS be a curse without a cure? How could someone do this to me? How could I do this to myself?

I'm sorry. I disappoint you, Badjie Xbietaquauallah.

A void between Imsak and Suboh.

2011-08-05T22:43:00.007+08:00

I always wonder, how do people fall in love easily?

How does it work, seriously?

I've only been in love a few times. I was a different person when I was in love. It was remarkable. Love can definitely change me.

But one thing will remain the same.

A change of heart.

Is possible.

To you.

But not to me.

"Stay open. Who knows, lightning could strike."- Meet Joe Black.

TAS.

Unfinished.

2011-08-02T12:07:00.004+08:00

Ted: [addressing his architecture class] Unfinished. Gaudí to his credit never gave up on his dream, but that’s not usually how it goes. It usually isn’t a speeding bus that keeps the brown pointy church from getting built, most of the time it is too difficult or expensive, or too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it’s always there and until you finish it always will be....

Unfinished.

"I know the last page so well
I can't read the first
So i just don't start
It's getting worse

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night"

Nada Surf- Inside of love.

Reflection.

2011-07-21T08:49:00.002+08:00

Today I saw a beautiful lady in a pair of blue baju kurung cried in public.

She was probably hurt.

She looked so lonely.

I wanted to give her a hug and tell her that everything's gonna be fine, eventually.

That her smile can light up the world, her smile melts many hearts.

That she deserves to be loved.

That she's not alone.

Because I feel her.

Only to second chances. Sorry third, fourth, fifth..

2011-06-25T12:49:00.006+08:00

I believe that everyone has a good side, even those who seem bad, who commit crimes, who mistreat others, those who screwed up. We all have the potential to be a good person and God forbid, a bad person. It all depends on us. We choose what we want to be.

A bad person has the potential to do good things. And vice versa. For example, picture someone who we really despise because of something that she or he does/did that we disagree or is against our principles, a corrupt leader, a husband who mistreats his wife, a parent who abandons his/her family, a boyfriend/girlfriend who cheats, a disobedient child. Even a lousy leader could make a good grandfather. He might not be a good leader but he may be an awesome granny. Yes, failing to play our roles in the society, to conform to society's definition of ideal, makes us a bad person. Sure, everyone has a good side. But to choose evil over good, THAT, makes you a bad person, technically. And I think it is unfair to detest someone just because, (yes, there are times when our judgement can't even give us logic explanations on that, maybe we feel threatened, or maybe he/she reminds us of something hurtful?). But that's another story.

But still, what is wrong, is wrong. No compromise. Think about it. Who makes it okay to mistreat others? Whoever you are, however nice you are to someone, hurting another soul is not okay. Yes, it is hard to please everyone, but seriously, who agrees that abandoning one's family is the right thing to do? Or raping someone just because you find her sexy? Or dumping your baby because your stupid dickhead boyfriend does not want to be responsible for it? Some things are just too wrong to be done. And if that does not violate your principles, well guess what, it violates humanity.

But I do believe in second chances. I believe that everyone can change. Like I said, everyone has a good side. Maybe all they need is just a chance, to be a better person, to prove that they deserve another shot, to undo things, to clean up their mess. Believe in them, believe that kindness can make miracles happen, and most importantly, believe in the kindness in you.

Don't play God.

What we can do is just praying to God that that person can change for the better.

If it doesn't work, well at least we have tried.

So, give second chances a chance.

Ayam Penyet tu ayam yang penyek ke apa?

2011-06-18T17:52:00.004+08:00

I told my sister that Wong Solo is the place to eat the best ayam penyet in town.

So my sister went to give it a try.

And when the waitress came, she confidently ordered....

"Erm, saya nak Wong Solo satu set yea"

*Awkward silence*

*Cricket sound*

*kreeekk kreeekkk kreek kreeekk*

And the lady replied in confusion,

"Errr sorry kak, Wong Solo tu boss dia lain.. Tu tempat lain.. Hee."

Because my sister went to Ayam Penyet AP at section 9 Shah Alam.

And ordered a set of Wong Solo.

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Epic fail lah Kakak!

"Ingat kan Wong Solo tu nama dalam menu ayam penyet tsk tsk " (Kakak, 2011)

I miss eating at Wong Solo. I have only been there once, but trust me, their ayam penyet has been haunting me days and nights, oh awaken my taste buds with the super hotness of the addictive sambal and the lusciousness and tenderness of the chicken thighs, with the most scrumptious sambal terung ever, my God I want it even more now! *gulp*

I've been you

2011-06-12T13:43:00.006+08:00

Alice: How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?
[Dan is silent]
Alice: Not good enough!

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.

This looks familiar. So familiar I can feel the despairing moment, the heartbroken, the feeling of losing the only person who mattered, the betrayal. It feels like a dejavu. It feels so real.

Alice Ayres/ Jane Jones,

You are my doppelganger.

Because I have been you.

"Why isn't love enough?", (Alice Ayres, 2004)

I'm here because of her

2011-05-21T18:24:00.015+08:00

My mom and I are so different. I doubt we share the same traits, I don't even look like her. I sometimes don't get her. We think differently, we have different tastes, we tend to argue about almost everything because of our differences. She is bubbly and friendly. She talks a lot and she is good at telling stories. I'm skeptical of her stories, asking her to validate them and prove them with facts, yes that's me being cocky, such a pain in the ass. It's nothing, really, I just don't want her to be like the typical makciks who gossip from days on end and talk about other people, they are like talking to mirrors and I personally think they need a reality check. Because I know my mom is better than that, and we have better things to do.

Sorry I digress.

My mom is a good cook, that's her forte. But one thing about her that really moves me is that she is very strong. No, not physically strong. She is strong inside. She is independent and she doesn't hold grudges against other people. Maybe her life experiences have made her become like that. Yes, sometimes because of our differences, she drives me bananas. But I'm grateful to have her as my mom, regardless. She has taught me to be strong, not to wait to be saved by a knight in shining armor, because we are our own saviors. She has taught me that life isn't a fairytale and love that blinds our conscience and rationality is not worth it. She has made me realize that I deserve to be with the one who gives a shit, that even if my life isn't a fairytale, I deserve a happy ending. Yes, sometimes we learn things from others' misfortunes, as a precaution, to not to fall into the same pit, to write a different story that has a better ending. My mom is a survivor and she is her own savior.

She is the queen of my heart.

I love you, Ibu.

Happy 51st Birthday.

I made Pavlova for her birthday.

PavLOVEa, Because She is LOVE.

Sweet crust, marshmallow-soft-fluffy inside, with strawberries and cream. LOVELY.

And..... A limited edition handbag, because it's her happy happy day (:

I love you, Ibu. I love you everyday.

#FML

2011-05-15T11:34:00.004+08:00

It's funny what age does to you. No, that doesn't sound right. It makes me feel old, literally.

Screw that! Let's try again.

It's funny how life experiences make you who you are today.

Yea, that's better. Continue.

Looking at life in retrospect, I have become my own doppelganger.

Years ago, I was so full of myself. To me, the world revolved around me. It always had to be me me me! Nothing else mattered. I hurt many people along the way, my parents, my family, those who loved and cared about me. I took them for granted, heck I took everything for granted, including my education. I purposely didn't do my revision to test if I could still make it in the exams. My whole life was a gamble and I was all about my own poker chips. And because of that, I have made the wrong choice too many times.

I know I screwed up. Big time. My past has taught me valuable life lessons, the things that I can't learn from books or in school. Yes, all that can either break me or make me a better person. The choice is in my hand.

Now, I'm learning to take responsibility for my own life. I do believe in fate, but I know I have to take charge of my life. I won't just blame fate and God for everything, it'd be too easy and not to mention, pathetic and irresponsible. Redha, and learn to accept it all, but will never blame it on fate. If I screwed up, I screwed up. So what? Be a rubber ball, bounce back a little higher every time I fall.

And that makes me my own doppelganger. Past me was just a selfish young lady who would blame others for everything. Present me is learning to take responsibility for her own life and trying to get it all figured out. Future me will read this post and reminisce all the shits that have happened in the past (and what's happening now since now is the past in the future) and probably say, wow I really really really screwed up, BIG time, seriously, but hey life is still good anyway ( :

I'm still making mistakes, and still learning from them. There are times when I just don't know what to do with my life. Sometimes I wish to have a fast forward button and just be there, to know what my future holds, because I'm just tired. But to get there, I just have to go through it all, make more mistakes, learn more, and just embrace life. That's the only way to get it all figured out.

So, what the hell, bring it on, let's do this!

Hey, they spelled your name wrong.

2011-04-25T22:59:00.011+08:00

What's your definition of sexy?

Not the dictionary denotative definition of sexy, sexy in your eyes.

To me, it's not the length of your dress that makes you sexy, it's not how micro mini your skirt is, how super short your hot pants are (unless if you have nice legs! Woh!), how transparent your blouse is, how low-neck-say-hello-to-cleavage your shirt is, but cleavage can be sexy, heck cleavage is sexy. No, it's not just what you wear.

Unless if you really have a killer bod, six pack, broad shoulders, tall, toned thighs and calves, toned arms, (just toned and shapely, not overly muscular euw euw!), and if you are a lady, you have curvy voluptuous busty body, firm boobs, baby-soft fair skin (gebu), then sexy is definitely your middle name. No matter what you wear, you will look sexy.

I have a thing for hot moms. Hot moms are the sexiest. Even in baju kurung, hot moms are waaaay far sexier than those girls in micro mini skirt. Hot moms are effortlessly sexy. When I was at the university, there was this one lecturer who's so hot even just in a pair of simple baju kurung, I got distracted by her hotness it's hard for me to focus on the lesson. Haha. But don't get me wrong. It's like admiration more than anything else, sexy is sexy, it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, because I am positively straight. I just find hot moms sexy, that's all.

But ladies, you don't have to show off too much skin to be sexy. Physical sexiness is overrated. There's a fine line between sexy and slutty/trashy, you don't want to be categorized as the latter. I dig natural sexiness. Some people are just born with it. They look just hot without even trying too hard to be sexy.

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Each person defines sexy differently. We all have our own fetish. I find men with long, big fingers (slightly bigger than mine) and ladies with long and slender fingers, sexy. My God I have finger fetish! T.M.I! (-_-")

Being confident can make a person looks sexy, confident but not cocky, not being so full of oneself. That's just plain annoying. Being comfortable in your own skin is sexy. It's the way you carry yourself that makes you sexy. Your personality can definitely determine your sexy-o-meter. Plus, a killer body, of course!

I don't know what is sexy to you but to me these are sexy:

Men.

1. Men who read. Men who are knowledgeable, intelligent, genius, who know how to fix things and when they are asked where did they learn that from, they will simply say, KEMAHIRAN HIDUP kat skola dlu and I'd be like wow, that's like 100 years ago and they still know how to do it! So sexy!

2. Rationality, the way they think, hard work, the determination to get the things they want, men with strong drive and desire, who are in control, and their achievements. The Alpha male type.

3. Men who know what they want, who are confident, ego but not arrogant or cocky. Humility is the sexiest attribute indeed.

4. Pheromones. The smell of the person who you are in love with.

5. A bit mysterious, but playful. Not a sweet-talker or Casanova, that's not sexy but seksa okay!

6. Nice manly fingers (long and slightly bigger than mine), sexy lips yang ada garis belah dekat tengah lips, sleepy eyes, strong jaw, strong arms, strong legs. Yes, a strong man. Men who play sports.

7. NOT THIN OR SKINNY. Just average. But TALL and BROAD. Oh they make me feel safe macam orang jahat datang apadehal boleh menyorok blakang lelaki macam mereka ini.

8. Men who have dimples and nice smile.

9. Men who chew with their mouth closed.

10. Curly, messy hair.

11. Mummy's boy.

12. Men who respect their parents, the eldest, and women, and who love kids.

13. Men who are not afraid to express their deepest emotions to the special woman in their lives (spouse/wife)

Women.

1. HOT MOMs!!!

2. HOT MOMs!!

3. HOT MO.. erk, I already mentioned that twice. Hmm. But hot moms are the sexiest!!

4. Women who can cook and bake.

5. Women who are knowledgeable, intelligent, witty, seductive but not cheap (playful), who have confident and have their own stand on things, who walk the line between being flirtatious and being hard to get, smart but sexy.

5. Toned thighs, long beautiful toned legs, in hot pants.

6. Women who apply their lipstick by using their middle and ring fingers, running their fingers delicately over their lips. Sexy okay!

7. Putih dan gebu.

8. Not too skinny, curvy sket, firm boobs but not too busty. Average body, with the "right" personality and attitude.

9. DIMPLES!

10. Women in red silky blouse/dress/undies.

11. Women in their man's shirt. In JUST that.

12. Bed hair, muka bangun tido.

13. After shower.

14. Flat, toned stomach.

15. Full, pouty lips.

16. Women who are supportive, who always support and understand their man.

17. Walking around the house/room in undies, when home alone/ with the husband when the kids are not home.

18. Breakfast in bed on weekend.

19. Scarlett Johanson, Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie's lips, Penelope Cruz's face.

In football, guess which team has the hottest, sexiest players? Fine, Brazil has Kaka, Portugal has Ronaldo, England has Beckham (I don't think he is hot though). But guess what?

Italy has Cannavaro badan petak muka jambu, "Rino" Gatusso yang messy dan ganas main patah2 kaki tapi still macho, Abang Pirlo mata kuyu rambut masuk mata yang lari lambat dan malas but he is the architect yang genius bab passing long ball, dark, tall and handsome Iaquinta. And of course, Luca Toni, I just realized he is handsome, before this tak yakin dengan kehenseman dia. Fine they have "aged", they are "experienced" and "matured", but why do you think D&G chose them to model their underwear?! Ppfffftt. Because they are Italians and they are born handsome, dark and sexy. Haha.

Perbualan Hala Tuju Masa Hadapan

2011-04-03T11:44:00.006+08:00

Anyway, yes I think I'm gonna stick with teaching. I wanna do my masters and insya-Allah will become a lecturer. Or maybe a teacher. Though I have never thought of being one, on second thought, being a teacher, a good one at that, yang ikhlas mengajar and bla bla, is a good thing. (influence from citer Gemilang la ni cheh.) BUT CHALLENGING SANGAT!!! *faint* Seriously challenging!! Okay, let's just stick with this plan first. Kalau ada rezeki, where there is a will, there is always a way. Amin :)

Sebab impian nak jadi housewife tu memang langsung tak nampak lagi. Boyfriend pon takde so takyah lah nak berangan. Ha ha ha. Lagipon buat masa ni, lebih baik hidup independent. Semua orang pon tengah struggle untuk hidup, so just be realistic lah. Tengok kemampuan dan rezeki. So like I said, if I can't be a homemaker, I'm gonna be an educator (:

Yesterday when Coutiqc (pronounced- kothik) asked me what course should she take at the university, I asked her what does she enjoy doing and what does she want to be? She responded that she just wants to be rich. And I just laughed.

I believe that it takes effort to be successful. With some luck and rezeki, it should work out. You can be anything you want, if you really work for it.

Talking about luck and rezeki, well, mesti lah kena berusaha. Apa-apa dalam dunia ni pon memang kena berusaha. Cepat atau lambat, kalau kita berusaha insya-Allah, good things will happen, eventually. So just keep going, have faith in what you do and always have faith in God.

Let's go back to Coutiqc's question. So I said to her, maybe you should enroll in courses yang deal with financial management, like accounting, ACCA ke kalau confident, or business studies. Financial management is very important if you want to live a stable life and budak finance or account supposedly bagus dalam financial management lah kan. Well, usually kalau orang kaya raya ni orang business. (Note that she took accounting at school, so medic sume tu memang out lah.)

Just my 2 cents.

As for me, I hope to live well and be contented. Semorang nak hidup senang, of course money can't buy everything, but it sure can but a loooooootttt of things that can make your life better. Kalau boleh dapat kehidupan yang lebih baik, why not? Tapi, niat tak menghalalkan cara. So, it's better to be contented with what you have and be grateful, than be recklessly greedy sampai sanggup do just about anything, belasah je segala hukum, to be filthy rich.

Dan tak baik jeles dan dengki dekat kejayaan orang lain. Rezeki masing-masing. Kalau orang lain berjaya, just be happy for them. It should motivate us to want to be better, to get to where they are or even higher, not be rotten inside, jeles tak tentu pasal tapi productivity hampeh. Self-reminder. Sebab kalau busuk hati memang tak kemana. Orang busuk hati hidup pon tak best sebab asyik nak mendengki kat orang lain. Mintak di jauhkan lah (:

So, let's just work our asses off for a better life and contribute to our country's productivity! Happy working, people (:

And to me, the future is already here! Good luck, Bee! You can do it, jyeah!! ^__^

Semoga dipermudahkan. Amin (:

Weekends: Being single and feeling awesome!

2011-04-02T14:26:00.014+08:00

Eacqie: Ibu, mana aci ayah punya mee kecik (mee hoon), kitorg punya mee besa..

Ibu: Tuh lah korang lambat sangat nak makan, mee korang dah kembang jadi macamtu lah.

Me, Kakak and Coutiqc: LMFAO.

That's my mum and her spontaneous humor. My mum is a good cook, that's her strongest quality. Being her daughter, hopefully the magic touch in cooking is in the gene eceyh, because I rarely cook so harap boleh terus berbakat boleh tak? HA HA HA!! (-_-") But I'd say I prefer baking though. And I'm getting better at frying. I used to just campak all the things into the frying pan and minyak terpercik, whoa it's like a battlefield in the kitchen, the apron and the lid of the pan as the shield, me vs. whatever in the frying pan. Disaster! Kalau makcik-makcik tengok masa tu mesti tak jadi terus nak berkenan buat menantu :p

Weekends macam biasa, kemas bilik, mop lantai, do my laundry, breakfast with my beloved family, go to my granny's or auntie's or to a wedding *puke*, lepak with friends (kalau ada orang ajak lepak), or dudok rumah tengok nona (depressing tengok wedding grand2), visit my sister who is studying at KISAS. So, weekends, same O same O.

I think I'm getting used to being single. Well, I just have to, right? It's like the do or die kind of thing. I figured, in order to survive this part of my life, I have to be able to enjoy my own company especially when I'm alone. Instead of wallowing in self pity, I do something, anything, to distract myself from all the heart wrenching thoughts. Here are some of the things I enjoy doing, my list of the mood lifters:

1. Drinking coffee hence the mood to do all of the below:

2. Dancing! Turn on the music, take off my tee (top) and just do the moves, yaw! :p

3. Baking.

4. Get things done- kemas bilik, mop lantai, susun/lipat baju. (Baru tau mengemas seronok sebab automatically akan focus dekat task. Dasar spoiled sebab dah 25 tahun hidup baru nk kemas-kemas -_-")

5. Jogging/ Aerobic ikot DVD.

6. MAKAN! (makan best, gemok ta best!!! T__T)

Well of course the best antidote to loneliness is by being with the loved ones, family and friends. But hey, they are not always with us all the time, right? So, we all do have our own ways of dealing with this kind of situation. Some might prefer to play video games, others might just enjoy reading a novel. Just do what you like to do, and you'll be alright.

But please don't jump into meaningless relationships just to fill the void. Been there, done that and trust me, it is not pretty. It will only make things worse. In the end, somebody's gonna get hurt. Remember karma? That b**ch will come and get you. So be nice to people and do not break their hearts just for the fun of it.

We are responsible for our own happiness. Being single is not that bad after all. When the right time comes, the right person will come knocking on your door (:

So in the meantime, lets just take our shirts off and just dance! (:

I miss making your room a mess- Sea Green See Blue, Jaymay

52

2011-03-11T10:45:00.009+08:00

If you know me, you sure know how I am with my dad.

Many of my friends said that the way I talk to my dad is not like the typical father-daughter talk. I sulk, I get angry at him when he upsets me, I tease him, I pinch him when he teases me; when he's driving I'll help him with snacks; I know his favorite food so even if he says he's fine I'll order for him his favorite; I suap him everything I eat even if he says no I'll still force him to taste it anyway, especially if it's yummy; I always want to taste whatever he is having, so akan kacau dia makan even just a bite. ^__^

Maybe because of that, I've unintentionally blown people off out of indifference. To some people, I might come on too strong, that they think that I'm being rude to my dad. I don't intend to be so, I can't help it but I'm so emotionally expressive when I'm with him. Whenever I am mad, I want him to know that I am furious, so I sulk, I get angry, I even cry to show him that I'm hurt. When I'm happy, I talk cheerfully, I laugh hysterically, I jump, I dance, I bring the pscyched atmosphere and everybody knows that I am in such a good mood. I'm transparent when I'm with him. I'm transparent when I'm with those who I love so dearly. They should know. I can be such a pain in the ass, but I can also be a sweet angel when I'm with them. I'm only like that to those who are close to my heart :)

Of all people, my dad is the one who will always put up with me. When everyone else gives up on me, he believes in me. When I'm lost, I know he will never leave me alone, he will still be there for me. I have troubled him since day 1, but he will still be with me til the end, I believe so. Because he is my dad, my superhero, the one who will always love me, regardless.

He is the only person that I look up to, I respect him the most. Now that I've grown up to be such a lady, I want to learn to be more polite when I'm with him. Attitude check! I want to change the way I talk to him, I don't want to upset him anymore, I want to make him proud, have a decent job and be obedient. I want to listen to him rambling about almost everything, I want to listen to him preaching about giving charity, and that I should never talk about other people, and always be kind to others. I want to argue with him about facts, hukum and everything that I know, to just talk about life, yet being open to his opinions. I want to cook and bake for him. I want to take care of him, control his sugar/salt intake, force him to jog more. I want to remind him to be fair to my mothers, remind him to take a chill pill and spend more quality time with us instead of working from days on end, and most importantly, I want to solat jemaah more often with my family. My family is my everything, my dad means the world to me. I can't imagine what my life would be without him.

I know I'm difficult, a bit spoiled, but trust me ayah, I've always been proud that you are my daddy. I might not agree with you about everything, but I respect you the most. I'm sorry if I ever disappoint you.

HAPPY 52nd BIRTHDAY, AYAH :)

May Allah bless you.

Love,

Your favorite Bee Bee

Self Reminder

2011-03-02T12:52:00.007+08:00

Amal makruf, nahi mungkar.

If we hold on to this principle, insya-Allah, we are going to the right direction.

Because everytime we commit a sin, a black spot appears on our hearts. Soon enough, if we keep on doing the wrong things, our hearts will become black, charcoal black, so black it blinds our judgment, consience, rationality, and beliefs.

Soon, we will become immuned by all the kemungkaran. We started to compromise with evil, the wrong feels right to us.

Remember the first time we did something that, deep down inside, we know is wrong? How did it feel like? We sure felt guilty. We feared the consequences, the advice from our parents, ustaz or ustazah kept replaying in our mind, reminding us not to do it. We sweat, we trembled, we doubted our action. But we gave in anyway, because in our defense, we are only human and we were tempted by our nafs, so we felt helpless and we surrendered and gave in to our nafs. We did it even we believed it's wrong. Then we felt bad, rotten, dirty, and disgusted with ourselves.

Before we even realize it, we will do it again and again til we can't feel anything anymore. The wrong just feels right.

We thought to ourselves, "Ala, relax la. It won't harm. Nanti dah tua boleh taubat, Tuhan kan Maha pengampun." We take things for granted. We become ignorant. Our hearts are hardened. We become distant from God. We divert to the wrong path, we are now further apart from the right track, we walk in the darkness for there is no light to guide us to where we want to go, we feel lost.

Then when things don't go according to our plan, we despair.We drift apart. We blame God and fate for everything that has happened. We breakdown. We started to lose hope. We lose our faith in God.

But if we are lucky, we'll learn from it. We will start to realize that all this while, we have been doing the wrong things. So we go back to the basics. We seek forgiveness from Allah. It's like a wake up call for us, we feel grateful for Allah still gives us the chance to go back to the right path, His guidance, His Taufiq and Hidayah save us from being lost forever.

The black spots will then be removed from our hearts, insya-Allah. Our judgment, rationality, and conscience, will become crystal clear. We can see not only with our eyes, but also with our hearts.

Praise be to God.

Life is hard. Life is full of trials, struggles and temptations. Our reckless nafs scream to escape. Satans persuade us to follow them to doom. Just hold on thight, hold on to your principles- Amar makruf, nahi mungkar. Insyallah, you will always be on the right path.

Because God knows best.

Why men lie and women cry? Ha ha ha.

2011-02-28T11:22:00.002+08:00

God, what has happened to my blog? These days, all I've been writing about are the cheesy stuff like love, being heartbroken, hopes, etc, etc! Don't even get me started on the quality of my writings, ugh. I need to get my mojo back! Maybe I should change the blog's name instead. Too much make-believing won't do me any good. Reality check kicks ass anyway! Another wake-up call, perhaps?

Anyway, have you ever wondered why guys always lie for each other? Let's call it testosterone karma. I'd want to call it balls karma though, because girls do have testosterone too, but testosterone karma should be fine, less crude don't you think? The answer is simple, really. Most guys value loyalty over honesty in their brohood. Bros before hoes, like what is stated in The Bro Code. This situation is especially applicable for guys in their 20's and maybe early 30's, because to them, women come and go, but bros are for life! While many girls put their boyfriend as their top priority, many guys are too. They put their boy friends as their priority ha ha. The truth sure hurts, darlings.

There are many reasons why guys cover up for each other, besides the natural law of the universe- the testosterone karma. Most of them just don't want to get involved and want to avoid the sickening drama if the girlfriend finds out that her boyfriend has been flirting with some other girl or has been partying hard all night long. They cover up their friend's mess and poop because who knows, one day, they might need the friend's help to cover up for them too. Testosterone karma, lawyered! (Marshall's made up word).

Article 53 in The Bro Code: "A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection". Covering up another guy's filth can also give men status as the protector of a potentially damaging and hazardous situation. It gives them a sense of broism, to protect and save their bro from an awfully ugly, sickening, terrifying argument with his controlling, overbearing, insecure girlfriend who does not appreciate freedom in manhood. Though they might believe that their friend's infidelity and dishonesty are wrong, they would still cover up for him if the girlfriend turns to them, calls to ask if her boyfriend is/was with them. As the savior or the trusty protector of the ballshood, they will make up some excuses like he's in the toilet or he's out buying dinner, or etc etc. Then they will call the boyfriend to inform him that his girlfriend has been tracking him down and advise him to give her a call, to clear up her suspicion. That's how it works. It makes men feel quite the player, a member of the brohood conspiracy. Maybe deep down inside, they feel guilty, but for what it's worth, they will still cover up for their bro anyway.

However, why women still turn to the boyfriend's friends is beyond my understanding. We know that the guys will always have each other's back on this, yet we still turn to them, though deep down inside we question their honesty. Maybe despite the fact that our instinct tells us that he is being a jerk, we just want to hear what we want to hear from his bros, a mere confirmation of another lie.

Done with all that though.

"You tanya kawan-kawan I mesti lah dorg back-up I. Ha ha ha"- Number 21.

P/s: Zamru, Mok and Syaqiq, you are the best bros of all time. And for that, I apologize.

Note to self

2011-02-24T14:54:00.009+08:00

Life is not fair, this is not a fair world, dear- Number 21.

But God is- Badjie Xbietaquauallah.

Because there's a price to pay for everything that we do in this world.

Yes, life can sometimes disppoint us. We cannot always get what we want. No matter how hard we try, sometimes we just don't succeed. C'est la vie.

Because Allah knows best.

Maybe we don't get what we want because God has a better plan for us. Maybe what we thought we want so badly is not what excatly we need. Maybe it's a reminder, because we were arrogant and ignorant , we thought that we have the power to control everything, to get everything that we want, we forgot that we are only human, Allah Almighty is the one who decides. Maybe that is the price that we have to pay for all the wrongdoings we did in the past (kifarah dosa).

We always forget that life is a series of tests. As long as we live, we will always be tested.

Muhasabah. That is the best way to calm ourselves when we face difficulties and hardship in life. Look at our lives in a rearview mirror, reflect on the things that we have said or done. We have sinned. We are all sinners. Ask forgiveness from God. Life is indeed challenging. But God will always be with us, even if we have sinned, because He is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Nothing in this world can break us, as long as we believe in Him.

The believers are indeed, the luckiest persons on earth. Because however bad a situation is, we believe that God will always be there for us, and if we ask Him to give us the strength and patience to go through it all, if we ask for His guidance, Insya-Allah, God will guide us the way out of all this mess :)

Because He knows best.

So don't despair, never lose hope, for God will always be with you, as long as you believe in Him.

Just accept what has happened sincerely, be patient, and believe that everything happened for a reason. Insya-Allah, everything will be fine.

Allah hanya menguji hamba-hamba Nya dengan ujian yang mampu mereka hadapi.

P/s: Maybe this is a reminder, to love The Almighty more than anybody else in this world, for I always forget :)

Because He knows best.

And He knows what's best for me :)

Find me.

2011-02-20T20:10:00.006+08:00

Every episode in HIMYM is packed with emotional baggage and life's lessons. It teaches you not to lose hope, to always have faith in your journey to find "the one", to never give up even though you have had your heart broken so many times before you can finally meet "the one", to appreciate friendship, to preserve memories, to share the laughter and tears that life brings us, to just enjoy what life has got to offer.

I hate Ted Mosby for being a hopeless romantic moron. Funny thing is, I actually am a Ted Mosby. Although I am sometimes a Robin, I might as well be a Lily or a Marshall, but I wasn't, am not, will never be a Barney. Haha. But I am most of the time, a Ted Mosby, searching for "the one", my other half.

The jouney to find "the one" for some people, is easy, like my sister, or some of my friends who got to get married to their highschool sweetheart right after they finished school. I envy them. Not in my case, though. Just like Ted's, we have to go through some trials and errors being with the wrong persons before we can finally meet "the one" (hopefully). Along the way, we learnt a lot about life's mysteries, of love, hopes, dreams, losing, accepting, forgiving and letting go of the "I-thought-you're the ones", and never stop searching for "the one".

Yes, my journey to find "the one" is hard, challenging and for what its worth, could sometimes be disappointing and suicidal. I've had my heart broken, I've lost hope, I've been miserable trying to survive the ugly break-ups, but at the end of the day, there is always a lesson to learn.

Every failed relationship teaches me different things to grow, to be a better person, to appreciate life more. Of course it breaks me to finally realize that the relationship has ended, all my hopes and dreams are ruined, the images of my future with the "I-thought-you're-the-ones" that I picture everytime before I go to sleep or whenever we go to Ikea are shattered, and that the process of searching for "the one" begins all over again and seems endless. It is just exhausting and the disappointment of losing the one who I thought was "the one" is beyond words, and there are times that I really feel like I've had enough, like I just want to stop searching, living a sad and lonely life, preparing to die alone.

But I will never give up. I know I am now much closer to finally find the one. Maybe I have found him, maybe it is just not the right time yet, maybe he is on his way, but I am sure no matter where he is, who he is, what he is doing right now, I know he has been searching for me too.

How many of you are really sure that the person you are seeing right now is your "the one"? No matter how magical your relationship is, only God knows if you are really meant to be together. That's how it works. If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.

Because life has its funny ways to bring us to our fate- Badjie Xbietaquauallah.

But I still believe anyway, and to you, you and you, please don't stop believing! :)

P/s: Asyraf Zakaria, I nak "For one more day!" Please kasi kat I if you dah jumpa. THANK YOU :)

P/s/s: Ashraff Muslim! :)))

P/s/s/s: Asyraf Sinclair- Bhooohooooo! NO thanks! Cheh padhal dia ckp no thanks kat saye, but seriously, NO THANKS! ha ha ha.

Okay bye. Wallahu'alam :)

Of HIMYM

2011-02-11T14:46:00.007+08:00

What's more awesome than watching your favorite TV show with your favorite person in the whole wide world? That's just how my favorite days are spent.

I've been watching HIMYM everyday now because I miss my favorite person terribly. It's just like taking a ride on an emotional roller coaster, down memory lane. I'd lay in my bed and watch this TV show on the laptop (not mine) and just laugh myself silly and cry my heart out, but still missing him terribly. Damn :'(

Anyway, back on the show. My favorite person thinks that Robin will finally end up with Barney, but I am so sure that Ted will somehow end up with Robin. It's quite obvious that they still have it. Fine, they have been in and out of love with many different people, changing partners, and dating whoever who crosses their path, but they still have it. I just knew it. Even though Barney-and-Robin thingy is quite a hit, but I've got a feeling that Ted will eventually end up with Robin anyway.

Have you ever watched "Definitely, maybe"?

There goes my theory. I can definitely relate that movie to HIMYM. First of all, it is one of my favorite movies of all time, second of all, both dads in HIMYM and "Definitely, maybe" are telling their children the stories of how they met their mothers, which also leads to their ultimate love story with this other woman, who, in the end, will become their new mommy. I seriously have no idea who the mother is in HIMYM, but obviously, she is JUST the mother. What happens to her or who she even is, well, let's just find out laterrr orrr whateverrrr. Ha ha.

I'll still go with Ted and Robin.

Wanna bet?

Oh come on, Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney? Seriously?

There's a reason why Barney is called Barney, not Batman. Haha.

The Stereotype.

2011-02-05T09:40:00.016+08:00

Falling out of love is awful, and cruel, and selfish and heartbreaking. But falling in love is undeniably, more complex than it seems to be. You can't just fall in love randomly, with any Tom, Dick or Harry. You can't just grab whoever who crosses your path and force him to fall in love with you, or force yourself to desperately try to fall for him.

To BE IN LOVE with just anybody, is undoubtedly, possimpibly impossible. You can't just be in love with anybody, Romeo. Ppfft. It is hard to be in love.

But certain kinds of men are just bad for your love life. Yet, you still keep on falling for these stereotypes. It's scarily weird, weirdly scary.

I'm always attracted to the alpha-male type. They are like a magnet to me. The next thing I know, I'd already be under their spell.

Wait, not always, just once or twice. Then again, like I said, falling in love is damn hard, so that explains. And I have been with many types, not just the alpha male. I'm flexible.

The alpha-male is also, to me, the objective type. The one who always knows what he wants, what to do, how to figure things out, the one who is always in control. The genius. The confident type. The he's-the-man type.

The loyal-but-playful type. He is loyal to his woman but also knows how to have fun with the lads, the my-mojo-makes-other women-yearn-for-me-but-sorry-gals-i'm-taken-type. It gives me an adrenaline rush but in a way, it also makes me feel special because he knows what he wants and, sorry to disappoint you ladies, it's me, not you. Ha ha ha.

The one that I can look up to, that I can be proud of, that I can respect. The that's-MY-man type. The one who I believe in :)

The I'm-strong-and-macho-but-I-will-only-show-my-soft-side-when-I'm-with-my-lady-type. Awwwwwww~ You know, the type who appears to be macho but who always needs you to comfort and nurse him when the world is being nasty and cruel to him :)

Okay forget about it.

Bye.

Sekarang tiba-tiba nak emo! !@#$%^&*(***(*!!

Sebab rindu :'(

Sekian.

cha ya nun ta alif

2011-02-05T03:04:00.007+08:00

Do you know what love is?

Look around you. You can see it, feel it, offer it and accept it.

It’s everywhere.

Open up your heart to new hopes, new chances and love.

Because love is all around us.

Love, in general, is all around us.

And love makes the world a better place to live.

Love makes YOU want to live.

You are the antidote.

2011-01-25T10:32:00.001+08:00

Dear heart,

please be mended.

All I need is the antidote, not just a mere placebo.

When will this pain ever subside?

Can I just skip this part? I need a fast forward button.

Make It Happen

2011-01-24T09:10:00.002+08:00

No matter how hard things seem to be, if there's a will, there's a way. If you really want it to happen, you can make it happen, and it will happen, if God wills it. Do not lose hope and give up.

Because maybe it's just not the right time yet.

Please grant my wishes, O' Allah.

Voglio essere con voi per sempre.

This Is What I Feel Right Now

2011-01-22T08:49:00.003+08:00

Empty.

Sequence of Bad Luck.

2011-01-21T14:38:00.004+08:00

Not a good start, 2011.

So what's up with the title? Sigh. I don't usually talk about my misfortunes randomly, because that's just plain pathetic. Maybe I'm an attention whore but not like always, and not to random people, like come on.

I am so pissed off right now and thus, here I am complaining on my blog. At lease it's my blog, so, yeah, whatever.

First, someone broke into my house and stole my darling laptop. Thank you burglar, for making my life a living hell. I can't even watch HIMYM on my darling laptop anymore. Goodbye my old age pictures, important documents and favorite playlists. And just for the record, I call my darling, sexy red laptop "sayang" especially when it was really trying my patience. And I miss you, sayang, I really do :'(

Second, I have been sick for a month now.

Third, I have to let go of something, for good. Must try harder. Saying goodbye is never easy. But goodbye. There, I said it. Saying goodbye is quite easy actually, letting go is damn hard.

Okay what the hell, enough of all the shits already. Gotta start focusing on myself right now. Stop wallowing in self-pity and be awesome instead. Ha ha ha.

So let's just keep myself busy by doing these things instead of crying my heart out for the things that I've lost. Great idea, innit? Jyeah.

To do list:

1) start job-hunting.

2) read more.

3) reconnect with old friends, get to know people better, surround myself with positive energy, build a strong support system.

4) jog more.

Keeping myself occupied is actually good. It helps me to go through the hard days. Time heals, it always does, so just give time, time. In the mean time, let's go on a journey of self-discovery and let's find my forte.

So dearest 2011,

Please be gentler, pretty please. I'll behave, I promise. Pinky promise?

As Fast As You Can

2010-12-23T16:57:00.006+08:00

Ted: What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen. I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

Stella: I know that you're tired of waiting. And you might have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can :)

HIMYM season 4- As Fast As She Can

P/S: Maybe he is on his way, just please don't get lost, baby, I'll be waiting ;)

P/S/S: Or maybe he's already here with me (though I really don't know why he hates Stella. Haha.)

But darlings, this is yet to be the story of how I met your father. HA HA HA.

I believe in make-believe

2010-12-17T13:38:00.005+08:00

What or who inspires you? A hot, skinny, long legs, anorexic, supermodel? A shiny, red, light-speed, Ferrari? A zillionaire who has all the money and women in the world (and will most likely die of a heart-attack or be murdered)? Superman, Batman, or whateverman-heroic character? An amazingly beautiful (but shallow) celebrity with typical Hollywood attitude? Or perhaps, your own parent?

I get moved by knowledgeable, ingenious, sharp-minded, witty, optimistic, confident, courteous, and beautiful lecturers, who talk the talk and walk the walk. Oh yes, looks count. It is not merely about looks, it’s how they carry themselves, the way they talk, the way they walk, the way they think, the way they see things, it’s all about the way they present themselves. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you can never get enough of your lecturers? (I sound like a dork, but who cares). It’s like they have so much more to offer and you just want to get it all and you just can’t get enough of it, and all you can do is just hoping that just a tiny-miny, little bit of their aura will get shifted to you. I have. So many, many times. It’s overwhelming, really. I daydream (in the class) to be like them. Every word that comes from their mouth is like a hocus pocus mantra, that never fails to speculate and awe me. I so desperately want to be like them. They are my idols. I know it is never easy to be what they have become, to get to where they are now. It takes effort, years of teaching experience, patience and passion in seeking valuable knowledge. It is a life-long process, learning to be better every day, empowering the mind by reading a lot, looking at things from a different perspective, it is all about learning life’s lessons. I took a mental picture of them sharing tremendous knowledge and ideas, they are the catalyst of my future self, and they are exactly what I want to be, actually the second thing that I want to be in the future.

Because the first would be.....

A superhousewife!!!! God this statement really annoys people, all my friends knew that already, I would go on and on about this every time we talk about the future. But true! A superhousewife it is! I am not good at housekeeping, I rarely cook, I’m probably on the list of the messiest persons on earth. But I love to be with my family more than anything else in this world. I have a nephew and it’s really hard to go a single day without seeing him, so I can’t imagine if I have my own family later, especially when I have children, to have to cope with that, being away from them, it is the worst thing ever. Okay, enough. It’s a long way to go, so long I don't even see it coming.

I have never downgraded housewives, in fact I envy them. It is a noble job, really. I really want to be one, pretty please make me one. Hahaha. Some people think that we don’t have to go to university to be a housewife. I don’t agree. Knowledge seeking and education is vital for personal development, so a graduate can also be a good stay-at-home wife/mom, if not better.

But why a housewife? I don’t care if I can’t have the latest gadget in town, if my clothes are not designer clothes, if I don’t get to drive a German car. I just want to cook good and healthy meals for my family, see my children taking their first steps, tuck them into bed, read them bed-time-story books, help them with their homework, iron my husband’s shirt (or maybe we can just buy the never-iron shirts, sayang *wink*), give him a good massage when he comes home from work, listen to his at-work-complaints or share his joy, and just be there for him. I’m not trying to be a Bree Van Der Kamp, but I just want to do my best to serve my family, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy. Even better, I have my personal space and time at home when my husband is at work and my children are at school, doing my exercise routine, pampering myself with a home spa session, reading good books, trying a new recipe on the internet, catching up with friends on facebook, awesome! No, don’t wake me up, I’m not day-dreaming, it is not a dream, it’s a wish, a hope, a pray, hoping that it will be granted, someday. Amin.

Many people have actually inspired me without them knowing it. Even those who are close to my heart, my family, they have moved me in many ways. We are not perfect, not even close, but we have been through a lot, and that has taught us to be what we are now.

And hopefully one day I can inspire people too. I hope that day will come, eventually J

All She's Got

2010-09-19T02:30:00.010+08:00

I can see pure happiness in the eyes of people who are contented with their relationship.

Yes, they have to go through ups and downs, they fight every now and then, they don't always agree on the same stuff, they don't always like the same thing, they have their own ways of doing things, they are different in many ways. But they can't live without each other. Or maybe they can, but they don't want to. It's like, they have found their other half, the best friend, lover, and soul mate in one person. I don't know how it feels like to have found my other half, my true love, if he ever exists. True love? HAHAHAHA. Sheesh, what the hell does that mean?

But yes, when I look at those couples who are contented with their relationship, especially the old ones, who have grown old together, I feel touched. They have known each other for so long that they don't know what life would mean without one another. They know each other the best. Nothing could replace what they have got. They have gone through thick and thin together and they are still in love with each other. From black hair to grey, toned arms to flabby, beautiful skin to having wrinkles, they are still in love with each other, despite all the physical changes, the heart is still the same, loving the same person from the beginning to the end.

I tend to get emotional at weddings because of the same reason. I am glad the newlyweds have found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Life is not always filled with beautiful colors and the sun does not always shine brightly. Sometimes the dark clouds gloom the day and it rains. But when you have found the one, you know everything will be alright because you have each other :)

Unconditional love. I don't know what that is. But I believe in the power of love. Yes, I do believe even if it's just a make-believe.

I believe.

Because that's the only thing that's left, the only thing I've got.

Just make believe.

Sempena Hari Perlepasan Syaiton.

2010-09-03T12:59:00.011+08:00

Okay, here's a quick but long post. Went to watch step up 3. AWEFFINGSOME! I so wanna learn some awesome dance moves yaw! and I wanna have a buff body, toned arms and legs, whoo sexy stomach like them dancers! I so wanna dance like them! Arrgghhh!! I want that boom boom shake shake now drop what your momma said, boom boom shake shake now drop okay enough, enough.. Puasa ni weyh.

Alright, back to business. Promised Fad and Sara to give them the recipe for pineapple tart, so here goes. To be honest, I don't have any rigid recipe for anything. I just cook or bake as I like. It's all about experimenting food and exploring your cooking talent in which I'm lacking of sebab sedar diri tak pandai masak tsk.

And oh just a reminder, making these pineapple tarts takes some patience and it is quite time-consuming, so you might want to give the pineapple tarts being sold at the nearest Giant a second thought. Now if you are ready for the challenge, hoyeah lets just friggin do it ladies! Lets make a huge ugly mess in the kitchen jyeah!

Ehem ehem.

So are you ready to rock and roll the dough and bake them hot-buttery-pineapple-tarts-that-melt-in-the-mouth?

Okay. Good.

Nervous senanyer nak ajar sebab macam tak gheti sangat haha but what the hell kan. Belasah je la weyh heh heh!

Now here's the challenging part. Of preparing the jam. I prepare it myself, traditionally, but you can buy the jam at the nearest store.

Ingredients:

5 pineapples

1 cinnamon stick

1/2 cup of sugar

1/4 Gula melaka

Utensil:

Senduk kayu.

First, you have to peel the pineapple's skin and remove the 'eyes'. Then remove the hard part at the centre of the pineapple and chop the pineapple into pieces. After that put them into a blender and blend them with a cup of tap water. Then strain the juice and use it to blend the pineapple sampai abes. (Macam tulis essay demonstrative writing kan?)

Done with that, then take only nanas yang dah dikisar dan cook until it boils and dekat nak kering. Then, put half a cup of sugar and gula melaka. If tak puasa dan buat time malam, sila rasa. Kalau kurang manis tambah la gula duhh. Then put the cinnamon stick into the pot and stir the jam sampai dia jadi mcm melekat dan boleh dibulat2 kan. The color of the jam will change from yellow to brownish yellow. Beware, jangan sampai hangus okay. And kena stir selalu.

Okay done with the jam. Now lets move on to the pastry.

Ingredients:

250g butter

1 1/2 flour

1/2 cup of custard powder

3-4 tb spoon of corn starch

4 tb spoon of powdered milk

1 tb spoon sugar

1 tb spoon of minyak sapi ghee

1 egg yolk**

1 tea spoon of vanilla essence

Use the mixer to mix all the ingredients, starting from the butter, powdered milk, sugar, minyak sapi, and egg yolk. I don't use egg yolk in my pastry but many said they use egg yolk to make the pastry. So, it depends. I like the taste and the smell better without the egg yolk. Then put a teaspoon of vanilla essence into the mixer. Oh it smells so gooooood :) After that, sift flour, custard powder and corn starch into the mixer and mix them until it becomes a soft dough. If macam terlalu lembik, tambah custard powder or flour. Like I said, I don't have the rigid recipe for making these pineapple tarts. Foundation paling penting ialah memang kena pandai-pandai dan agak-agak dalam memasak dan membaking ye puan-puan.

Then, roll the dough and it depends on what type of pineapple tarts you want to make. Actually you can just roll the pastry and stamp it out with a cutter. Put the filling inside the pastry and bake them. I usually make the traditional tart gulung which is quite hard actually because I don't have the cutter for tart gulung T_T

So, good luck ladies!! Selamat mencuba! :)

Selamat Hari Raya!! Jangan main mercun sebab mercun tak best. Sebab bunga api bintang2 paling best dalam dunia! Oh excited nya nak raya!!! Wohoo!

Tapi...

Okay bye nak buat AE :'(

I'm looking for a sign.

2010-08-25T15:54:00.003+08:00

The Hill- Marketa Irglova (once)

My all time favourite song, always!

The song says it all.

Hell-o Anguish August

2010-08-06T14:53:00.002+08:00

God!

It's already August!

Yet I haven't started anything on my AE! Everytime I wanted to start doing my very 1st draft, I got writer's block.

Ha ha ha ha!
Who am I kidding?

The clock is ticking Bee, tick tock tick tock..

Oh screw me!

Baby, I love you.

2010-06-06T17:50:00.016+08:00

I have not reloaded my credit for more than a week now. I couldn't care less. I could go on like this for months. When my phone's batt is empty and my phone automatically goes off, I would just ignore it for days. Not many know my number anyway. Less than 7 people I assume. (If you, my dear friends, want my number, leave me a message on FB :)) I've lost my Maxis number so I changed to Celcom. Would consider to change back to Maxis. I get connected online, but lately, I'd be AFK (away from keyboard) most of the time. I get bored with people easily. So with FB, YM, Blogs, youtube, my playlist, dvds, food, you name it. I'm easily distracted and if I'm not interested, I am not interested, so don't even bother trying. All these because of I'm lacking the attention from the so-called significant other. HA HA HA! Damn you, "significant other!" But one thing I could never be bored with is

(He's only 3 months old yet, already 8kg!! GUMU-GUMU!!)

Meet my Gumu-gumu, AARON HOOUD.

And I hope I could have my own babies, one day :)

Heh heh heh enough la berangan! T__T

P/s: Selalu berebut Aaron dengan semua orang termasuk parents Aaron (tak sedar diri) dan cuma akan kasi Aaron dekat Ummi dia bila dia nak susu lepastu semorang suroh pergi buat baby sendiri tsk. Ini bonding antara aunty dengan nephew eh silap, kakak dengan adik heh heh, kenapa semua orang tak paham bonding kita kan Aaron. Tsk. A bunch of jeaolus people they are! Haha.

Written by,
Bonda :)

You.

2010-06-04T01:11:00.007+08:00

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now
(wish right now, wish right now)

Do you....... feel me?

Airplanes by b.o.b and Hayley Williams.

Reminder to self.

2010-06-03T16:22:00.010+08:00

THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR WOMEN ABUSE!!!!

No matter what the case is, no man has the right to physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually or even verbally abuse any woman. Forget the L word, that's bullshit! If you love her, why the hell would you want to hurt her, in any way? (a very important self-reminder!)

You know, once you raise your hand towards a woman, especially your girlfriend or your spouse, you have broken the bond of trust between the two of you. The relationship will be damaged in no time. Not only will she lose her respect for you, she will also lose her self-respect and this will definitely lower her self confidence. This unhealthy relationship won't work if there are no trust and respect left between the two of you.

Saying sorry is not the end of the story. Unless if you really feel sorry for what you have done to your woman, but still, if you repeat the same mistake again, trust me, you fucking deserve to just rot and die, for the sake of her happiness.

How fucktarded can one be, hitting the person who loves him beyond infinity?!!! Look, if you are incapable of managing your anger, that's your fucking problem! Who gives you the right to take your anger out on a woman, especially the one who loves you so dearly?!! Even if she might be the cause of your anger, you have no fucking right to lay your hand on her! Be a man, a real man, and keep your cool! If you're going to act like a prick, you might as well wear a condom on your head, fucker!

And to all the lovely women (including myself), do not degrade yourself. He is not God's gift to make your life miserable. The bruises on your hands and your broken heart are not his love tokens to show you how much he loves you. Do not lose your self-respect to a jerk, he doesn't fucking deserve it. No one ever does. If you choose to stay longer in this kind of relationshit, you will only lose your own worth and value. If he can't handle being with someone so awesome like you, that's his problem. Some men abuse women because they are lacking in self-confidence, probably because they have a very small dick, so they abuse you, thinking that they own you, that they can do anything to you, that they have control over you just to boost their self-esteem. How pathetic! So, don't give him the chance to make your life a living hell. You're awesome and he is just a loser. Embrace it :)

Four years ago, I have gone through this shit. And I won't let the same shit happen to me again. So fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!

Behind every strong woman, there's a jerk who made her that way :)
And behind every strong man, there's a woman who made him his sandwiches hahaha.

So stop women abuse. Love your woman. Treat each other with respect. You know nothing compares her love for you, so appreciate what you have got :)

Yours Truly.

It aint a fairytale yaw!

2010-06-02T18:32:00.007+08:00

You know what's the worst type of boyfriend one could ever have?

The selfish type.

enough said.

21?

2010-05-30T10:58:00.002+08:00

I don't quite like my previous post. Ugh.

So, today I'm turning 21! Forever 21 :)

Okay, fine plus 3! Whatever.

So, Happy Birthday to my dearself :)

and also to my brother Stevie G. Heh heh.

Let's learn Grammar! (not for kids)

2010-05-27T17:25:00.010+08:00

The topic for today's post is your neighbour's nephew's step-brother's favourite word. Or maybe, yours too. Heh heh.

Fuck.

Does not only mean the act of sexual intercourse (literally, it does, though). Perhaps it is the most interesting word which can be used in so many different contexts. Popular, but still remains taboo for many. More often, it is used to describe vulgarity or negativity, to indicate anger, pain, disappointment, abhorrence, annoyance, or as an exclamation of love, pleasure or being surprised. It is indeed a very STRONG word.

So let's look at the variety of the word's usage and the homonyms of the word "Fuck". did I mention it doesn't always indicate the act of sexual intercourse?

1. Deception/fraud: I got fucked by the fucktarded MLM agent!

2. Greetings: How the fuck are you? It's been a fucking long time since we've last met!

3. Surprise/disbelief: How the fuck did you guys do that?!!/ Whoa, unfuckingbelievable!!

4. Anger/resentment/aggression: Fuck you!/ Fuck Manchester United!/ Fuck the blues!

5. Resignation/submission/surrender: Oh fuck it. / Fuck me.

6. Lost/confusion: What the fuck.....? /Where the fuck are we going?

7. Dissatisfaction/displeasure: Can anybody tell me what the fuck is going on here?

8. Pleasure/excitement: I'm so fucking happy he finally proposed! /What the fuck are we waiting for, let's just fucking do it!

9. Despair: Oh I'm fucked... again.

10. Dismissal: Fuck off!/ Go fuck yourself!/ Get the fuck outta here!

11. Apathy: It's okay, nobody gives a fuck anyway...

12. Difficulty: I don't fucking understand how to solve question number 21, fucking addmaths!

13. Shock: Holyfuckingshit, what was that?!

14. Warn: Don't fuck with me!

So now, let's look at the colloquial usage of the word "fuck". The word "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories in English. Kids, we're learning Grammar here, so FOCUS! heh heh.

As a noun:
"I don't give a fuck" (I don't give a damn)

As a verb:
"I got fucked again" (I got cheated on again)

As an adjective:
"She has a fucking beautiful smile" (she has a very beautiful smile)

As an adverb:
"I fucking hate smokers" (I loathe smokers so much)

As an interjection:
"Fuck! I missed the train again!" (Oh no, I missed the train again!)

As a conjunction:
"Asyraf is selfish, fuck he's fucking arrogant!" (Asyraf is selfish, also he's very arrogant)

As an expletive infixation:
"she's absofuckinglutely gorgeous!" (she's absolutely gorgeous-emphasised)

The F quotations:

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”- George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author)

“The 'not-giving-a-fuck' meter is as far into the red-zone as ever before.”-Lars Ulrich quotes (American heavy metal Drummer (Metallica))

“Well, you know, like, I don't really give a fuck what the general public think.”-Sid Vicious quotes (British punk rocker)

“Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.”-Kim Cattrall quotes (English Actress)

In addition, the F word is often used to emphasise or exaggerate our statements. It might appear to be offensive for many, but the connotations that it holds can vary the meaning of the whole statement. It has a powerful effect of showing anger, dissapointment, resentment, pleasure or excitement.

There are many synonyms of the word "fuck", and some words are derived from it to represent it in a more subtle way, such as "the F word", "eff/effing", "Fooke", "Fish", "FCUK", "Phuck" or "screw".

Perhaps it is just one of the world's most widely used word in English language.

P/s: However, there's no way we're allowed to use it, especially at home. My dad has banned this word, and also all the other vulgar/obscene/bad words for the sake of mannerism, and just because. How the fuck I could come up with this topic, blame it on the media for the excessive exposure of the overrated, popular word, none other that the F word itself lah (-_-")

P/s/s: I don't know why but I just can't tolerate with the P word, yang bunyi macam "pokemon" tu. Ish memang tak boleh blah la perkataan itu!

I'm done trying

2010-05-25T22:24:00.003+08:00

Maybe it is time for me to say...

goodbye.

Faces.

2010-05-24T06:20:00.009+08:00

Geek 8-)

Sad :(

Angry!!!

Erk? Horny? -_-"

Gay! ^___^

Just to annoy you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The Random Acts of Kindness

2010-05-22T18:34:00.005+08:00

Today, there are approximately 6,846,508,800 people living in this world.

6.8 billion people, including yourself.

Have you ever thought that your presence today, at this very moment, could mean something to somebody else's life?

Has a stranger ever done something that could make you smile the whole day? Like they gave you a seat in the LRT while you were feeling dizzy, they helped you open the door at some store while you were carrying heavy stuff, they let you go ahead of them in the que to the cashier, they smiled at you on your bad day.

At some point in your life, a stranger might have made your day seem brighter.

And whether you realize it or not, you might have been that stranger. You might have made somebody else's day seem brighter by letting them que ahead of you while you're on the phone, you might have put a smile on someone else's face the whole day by helping them to open the door at some store, you might have given hope to a lonely girl with a broken heart by smiling at her.

And isn't it good to make people smile? Wouldn't it make your day to be able to make somebody else's day seem brighter?

And that my dear, is the power of the random acts of kindness :)

Heartbreak

2010-05-18T14:40:00.003+08:00

I am NOT okay...

and I don't know when will I be.

Tuhan, tolong lah berikan ku kekuatan..
amin.

Of beloved nenek

2010-05-17T16:20:00.003+08:00

Nenek was talking to my mom about Aunty Lela's marriage, so me and my sis menyampuk.

Me: Aunty Lela radikal gila, documented all the stuff for her rights. Tapi ibu pulak lembut hati and cool sangat haha.

Nenek: Ibu kau ni nak dapat payung emas dalam syurga.

Kakak: Nak dapat payung emas kene la masuk syurga dulu.

Nenek: Biar lah ibu kau nak dapat payung emas. Kalau masuk syurga kan boleh mintak ape2 je. Tak payah kasi suami kawen dua, tiga, empat, pon boleh dapat payung emas. Dalam syurga, nak mintak suami jadi emas pon boleh, kan?

Me, kakak and Ibu: Hahahhaa! BETOL!

I love my nenek. She's so funny. My nenek still rides her motorcycle to go to TESCO. She talks a lot and she has a very pure heart and she's very kind. She eats french toast every evening for dinner and she is the best cook, seriously. She came to my school during recess and brought my lunch everyday when I was in primary school ;)

On a different note, I am currently babysitting Aaron and he is so sooo soooooo beyond adorable!

Note to self

2010-05-16T13:46:00.004+08:00

Dear self,

LET IT GO!

It is okay..

you'll be okay..
you'll be fine, eventually..

All you need is just TIME. Time is everything. So give time, time.

And you will be fine :)

Yours truly,
Myself.

AE I OWE U

2010-05-14T17:13:00.008+08:00

STOP! *freeze*

Oh rindu nak main AEIOU STOP! macam zaman2 innocent dulu. I don't know about you guys, but in the place where I grew up, we used to play this game where in a group of at least 3 people, the person who is in charge (orang yang "jadi") has to walk in front and the rest have to follow him/her from behind and the person who is in charge has to say "AEIOU..... STOP!" and the rest have to freeze in style, meaning they have to pose and freeze, then the person who is in charge has to look back to check if the other players move. The rule is, the rest of the players cannot move, not even a muscle, they are not even allowed to crack a smile, nampak gigi pon tak boleh. The person who is in charge has to make the other players move (by making silly faces, poking them even though I think it's quite tak aci, making stupid jokes, atau buat aper2 sahaja lah mengikut creativity dalam usaha menggoda pemain lain untuk bergerak.) If one player gets caught moving a muscle, then he/she has to be "orang yang jadi" and has to be in charge and the game continues as mentioned. Hah! Does that ring a bell? I though every 80's baby should know how to play that game, but maybe, if you have no idea what am I crapping about, then maybe, maybe, errr, I don't know, when were you born again?

Talking about the games that we used to play when we were young, it gets me thinking, we, the 80's babies/90's kids were more creative and physically active than the kids nowadays. Back then, we played mentally and physically challenging, sweat-producing games, religiously after sekolah agama, or on weekends, like AEIOU STOP!, baling selipa, Ola-Oli, konda kondi, galah panjang, ting-ting, police entry (ala yang polis entri, one two jaga, polis mati pencurik jaga!), rounders, guli, gasing, pukol berapa datok harimau or even the self-invented games like declaring war by using greenish buah rambutan yang belom masak baling to the enemies (like paintball). My sister, my younger brother and I would sometimes go rollerblading around our house area or at Tasek Shah Alam, equipped with all the shin pads haha. Indoors, we would play games like kawen-kawen/pondok-pondok or cikgu-cikgu. At school in the class, we would play games like batang ice-cream where we would have to move the batang ice cream to "mati" kan our rival's batang ice-cream by blowing air through the mouth like "puhhh puhhhh", batu seremban, bottle caps, eraser games, titik-titik to conquer your territory on Math exercise books, mini cards by tepuk meja to blow the mini ultraman-gaban card to "matikan" our rival's card and the winner gets to keep the cards, and during recess, we played games like chop tiang, pepsi-cola (a foot-stepping game in our baju kurung, mind you!) or gelang getah (also, in baju kurung!), or we would go on a tangkap berudu mission where we would tangkap berudu dekat longkang sekolah, oh yes I was one of them. And usually after the exams, the teachers would ask us to "buat kerja sendiri" so we would bring cards like old maid, snaps and happy family and board games like saidina and shahiba to school, or jengga (it's like uno stacko). Actually, I wasn't that lasak so sometimes I would prefer to just play with the paper dolls, changing their clothes, talking to them. I usually bought them from makcik jual sagu near the school gate. You can't bring barbies to school pppft, and besides, you can keep the paper dolls in your pencil case. And Oh, the coolest game back then was of course Tamiya. The second coolest, gameboy. If you have pet society nowadays, we had tamagochi. Oh oh how i miss the old days, the good good gooooooood old days! Classic, classic, classic!

Back then, we went to school, we played, we went home, we played, we took a shower, we watched cartoons during maghrib, then we got scolded for not respecting the azan/waktu maghrib and we were forced to switch off the TV and we switched off the TV and then we performed our maghrib prayer, then we walked to rumah some ustaz/ustazah nearby to mengaji, and we mengaji, then we played, we went home, we had our dinner, we did our homework sneaking a peek on the TV shows when nobody's watching and would pretend to do our homework when our parents came to check on us, then we got bored and drew cartoons on a piece of paper from our own exercise books, then only at 10.30pm/11.00pm we were allowed to go to bed. That's the routine.

Even watching TV used to cause us boredom. I hated commercial breaks. No, still do. So, my sister and I, we invented this game where we would have to guess the commercial breaks on the TV and whoever could guess it the fastest and correctly will win. So we wouldn't be bored anymore. We loved to play, and we played with real human beings, not an electronic device, like you hi-tech kids do. Okay, okay we did play with dolls and paper/card planes sometimes but the point is, how many of you PS3-Nintendo Wii-kids have played the games that we used to play when we were your age? I'd like to suggest you to give it a try, play konda-kondi or baling selipa for a change, and you will understand the true meaning of having a really "good time". Trust me.

You know it's different nowadays. My younger brother and sisters come home from school and the first thing that they would do is switching on the laptop/PC/PS2, playing computer games/ps2 or facebook-ing/youtube-ing/msn-ing/ym-ing from hours on end. No wonder many kids nowadays are obese. I pity them, seriously, they don't even know what does "biji getah" look like. They don't invent their own games like we used to, to kill the time. They don't physically and "soul"-ly connect with the neighbours, cousins and friends like we did, wrestling in the dirt and skinning our knees, playing the games that we used to play when we were their age.

So I sent my sister a text message to check if I still get the song of the game "Ola-Oli" correct. Maybe you have a different version of this song but still, it is called "Ola-Oli", right?

sep sep sep tom tom tom
ola oli kuberi nama saudara saudari
chikabum chikabum
malam malam minggu siang siang hari
disko disko
putih putih melati ali baba
merah merah jelita meow meow
siapa yang baik hati cinderella
lama lama jadi patung
1, 2, 3, 4 mari kita tukar tempat!

TUKAR TEMPAT!!!! CEPAT!

Oh God, I was thinking about writing something related to my AE., I ended up writing about my childhood games.

On second thought, I could find the rationale of the title. AE I Owe U, STOP! (I have stopped the progression of my AE, am now abandoning it, and neglecting it, completely) So I owe my AE, an AE.

Until then.

I am no Iron Man. That's why my life is...

2010-05-01T19:08:00.003+08:00

Ironic. That's the best word to describe how my life is.

It is not ridiculous, it is just ironic. Life is anything but neat. It is not always smooth.

You know, every time when I work hard for something, be it preparation for exams or be it in a relationship, it won't turn out good. Whenever I care less about something, it will surprise me. As I grew older, I tend to take things more seriously. I get disappointed more often now than ever. Because when you put so much effort into something and later, failed miserably, it sure hurt, damn bad.

Usually, when I’m so deeply, crazily in love with someone, he just couldn’t love me as much. It’s suicidal. There would always be the saviours, those who seem to care and love me dearly, but I just couldn’t love them back. It is just so messy. Lesson learned, do not fall so deeply in love, you’ll get drowned. Love those who love you back, who care about you, who respect you and who never fail to make you happy, and most importantly, love yourself first before you could ever love anybody else.

And usually, I get my heartbroken during final exams, important tests, practicum observations, big presentations, the last day of my assignments’ deadline and happy hours. Thanks so effin’ much for the memories : )

From the trivial things in life to the significant ones, life wouldn’t be challenging if it’s not ironic. If it’s not challenging, it will be dull. If it’s dull and neat, it will be no fun. You've gotta go through the pain to experience the joy. Remember, there will be a rainbow after the rain. Look on the bright side. Shit happens, but it will pass. C’est la vie.

Life is indeed, ironic. Like, it doesn’t rain every time you bring your umbrella with you, but when you don’t, it rains. Like, you just couldn’t fall asleep the whole night thinking about the big day tomorrow, and a couple of hours before the big thing, you fell asleep and wished that you could just sleep. Like, when you were about to tell someone that you love her/him, she/he started to confess that she/he is in love with your best friend. Like a funeral of a close relative during your wedding day. Like a break-up on your birthday :)

Life could be devastating. It could disappoint you. But you’ll learn from it. You just have to go through it, and smile. No matter how bad thing seems to be, it will pass. For tomorrow, the sun will shine again. Even though the path that you take might be rocky and bumpy, just enjoy the ride. One day, you’ll look back at your life and you'll laugh at it :)

Because life is just ironic.

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think? -Alanis Morissette.

Don't you think?

For the Love of Beauty

2010-04-30T12:51:00.003+08:00

Asal keluar rumah saje rase down sebab semua orang sangat hot! Seriously, there are so many hotties nowadays, and they are like, EVERYWHERE! Beautiful girls with beautiful body in beautiful designer clothes, hot MILFs I mean moms, pretty boys, hot sexy wet shemales (-_-") They are just so hot and gorgeous they make me feel beyond fugly. And I'm not even just another face in the crowd. Read between the lines. They make me feel like I want to just rot in my own crib and hide myself from the world outside, the world of barbies and kens. God, it is not just the weather! Everybody is. And, poor ugly duckling, I know exactly how he feels.

So yeah, regarding my previous post, I really need to have a beautiful mind and stop wallowing in self-pity, feeling fugly about myself. Even if life might be easier for good looking people and I have to work twice harder to be where they are because of their looks, bring it on hotties! Everybody is beautiful. Everybody can be beautiful. Embrace yourself and feel good about yourself. Appreciate you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (^__^) (skg tibe2 nampak gelas half-full kn, tadi ingatkan half-empty!)

If I'm ugly, then so are you- Sugarbabes
P/S: It's human nature to love beauty.

Oh shoot, forgot to mention here,HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARYSA!

We sure are beautiful for two ugly people heh heh.
Ti amo sempre.

Food for the Brain

2010-04-27T20:51:00.009+08:00

I need to feed my brain with more useful facts and knowledge, seriously. I am not physically attractive, so I need to have a beautiful mind. Talking about beauty-is-only-skin-deep-talk again? Ppfffft. So here goes! Read more books, go google when in doubt, ask more relevant questions and be more skeptical? Trust me, I'm so skeptical, it's just annoying.

On a related note, today I went jogging for like, 4 songs period, and that would be, approximately 15 mins (-_-"). Then I felt dizzy (Haa "rajin" sangat cardio macamtu lah!) So I asked a friend the causes of and the remedies for the headache (If you're doing medic, do not be my friend. I would definitely terrorize you with lots of questions regarding health matters.) So he asked me to google it myself! Ugh. I was a bit bitter because he should just entertain me with the information needed! It would be more interactive, no? the process of him retrieving the information from his brain can actually help him to restore the information to the long term memory, no? Erk, okay I better shut up. Suke sangat buat pandai. Sheeeshs.

Now, I just refuse to be ignorant. Because usually I like to buat pandai. Like when I told Farysa to eat more spinach, fish and egg, I forgot why, but I just buat pandai, saying that they contain Omega-3 and vitamin B6 and some other nutrients which are good for the brains. I know fish and egg contains omega 3 but I forgot why spinach is good for the brains, so I remember that vitamin B6 helps neurotransmitter in the brains to function better and it is good for the memory or something like that so I just told him that it contains vitamin B6. Hah! If I say something to Farysa, I have to provide facts regarding that matter, seriously. Yes, my favourite person is such a pain in the ass, poor me. Now I know someone who is more skeptical than I am!

So, I am determined not to buat pandai lagi. Being me, I always like to know something, only on the surface level and then I get bored and forget about the details. But I want to know everything. That explains. So, no more buat pandai!

Oh eff! I still haven't found the suitable topic for my AE! I'm sooo screwed!

Disappointment has a name..

2010-04-26T13:41:00.005+08:00

I have to stop checking my phone every 5 seconds for your text messages.

To the hell with you.

I have better things to do.

. . . .

Wait, I've got a text message!! FINALLY! *dub dab dub dab*

. . . .

and it wasn't from you

SO SCREW YOU!

Es Eei Ex Education

2010-04-25T04:11:00.004+08:00

A month ago, I spent my days and nights worrying about teaching matters. I still remember the sleepless nights, thinking about what to teach for the next class, whether my students would be able to understand the lesson, whether they would be able to learn ANYTHING from the lesson I’ve taught them, whether the lesson would give a real impact to them. I was agonized by the fact that it’s my responsibility to educate the younger generation, my students, not only to get A in English, but to be an all-round person who holds high moral values and knows not only to do the things right, but also to do the right things in life. At this stage of life, they would lead a decent life studying hard being a nerd aiming to be a doctor, lawyer. etc, screw up and start over again learning from the mistakes they have made, or they would just screw up.

Speaking of which, here therefore, I want to highlight a major, significant issue of today’s school scenarios, especially in the Klang Valley area. There are a few major issues of concern, but I’d like to highlight on this particular issue. Maybe the next post, I’ll write about other issues. (ha ha! The next post? Ppft.)

Sex. Yes, you heard me. The dreaded three-letter-word. Just for the record, many secondary school students nowadays are sexually active. You can blame the media for the rousing exposure, the MTV, Gossip Girl, Maria Ozawa, Jacob Black or Edward Cullen in Twilight (I don’t even bother to remember their real name yuck!) Megan Fox (wait, Megan Fox is so last year!), or you can blame their libido and high curiosity for practicing sex in the first place. Whatever the case may be, they are practicing it, and they are practicing it wrong, for having lack of knowledge of the subject matter!

Society has been debating about sex education for ages now. So, here’s my two cents, take it or leave it. Sex is still a taboo subject in our country. But sex education is indeed vital to increase the awareness of sexual matters among the youngsters. By educating the youngsters about safe sex doesn’t mean we encourage them to practice it, we want them to be aware of the consequences of their doings.

Being a practicum teacher, we seem to be more approachable to the students. They would come to us, talking about this kind of matters. We’re bombarded with questions such as, “teacher, I’ve had sex with my bf 2 days ago and now I’m itchy down there!”, “Teacher, sy x period dah 2 bulan, tapi sy takot nak pergi check!”, “Teacher... sy dah terbuat dengan bf sy.. *sobbing*”, “Teacher, my bf is cheating on me with three other girls!” These students confessed to us, perhaps because they have nobody else to turn to, to give them advice on that matter, because they’re worried of the results after doing it, they feel guilty, or they regret it. But that doesn’t give us the right to judge them, they need help. So, I believe that prevention is better than cure. Sex education would make them aware of the consequences of practicing it, and the responsibility after practicing it, thus, preventing them from doing it, or, if they have done it, or if they still want to do it, they would at least practice safe sex, decreasing the number of unwanted pregnancies, abandoned babies and STDs.

So screw the so-called taboo, if they want to do it, they would still do it anyway! Screwing around without knowing the consequences is just plain irresponsible! My advice is, don't do it kids. Just don't do it. No buts. Sex education should still be implemented tho. Just in case(s).

With my students (Hanya gambar hiasan)

formspring.me

2010-04-23T11:09:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/beedadary

Cause maybe someday :)

2010-04-18T13:51:00.002+08:00

To Asyraf Faiz Zakaria :)

The song says it all, and the video too :)
Like what you said, you and me, it is like doing a love autopsy :)

(Do I really need to put a smile after every sentence? Shhesh!)

P/S: If you really get me, the smile is actually not a smile smile. It's a smile "smile" :)

Ah. I better keep my mind occupied now! Jyeaaaahh!

So, goodbye :)

Everybody loves Aaron

2010-03-08T14:59:00.006+08:00

Aaron's daddy, Aaron and my daddy

Awww~ Isn't he adorable??

Name: Aaron Hooudd.
Date of Birth: 22/02/2010.
The first son of Badjie Xietaqieuallah and Mohd Nur Anuar.
Congratultions kakak, on becoming Umi! And me on becoming BONDA! Weehoo!

love,

Bonda

Tentang seorang Badjie.

2010-02-20T20:25:00.004+08:00

Sebenarnya susah jugak mahu tulis blog ini semasa kekeringan idea. Kalau main tulis sahaja pastinya akan mula merepek. Okay lah sebab mahu tulis jugk, kali ini sy akan tulis beberapa fakta tentang diri sendiri. bunyi nya agak narcissistic tapi suka hati saya lah ini blog saya yang punya. Haha.

1. Orang kata saya blur atau dalam kata lain, sengal. Tapi walaupon saya sengal, saya skeptical. Dan walaupon sengal, saya sangat suka soalan-soalan HOTS (higher order thinking skills). eceyh.

2. Sudah lah sengal, saya biasanya argumentative. Tapi saya paling benci manusia panas baran dan suka mengamuk ikot suka sahaja bila sedang dalam sesuatu argument. Kalau kamu mahu argue dengan saya, sila la jangan mengamuk, mencarut2 dan menunjukkan reaksi violent. Saya akan senyap, berhenti argue, tapi bukan bermakna saya patoh dan respect kamu. Malah saya hilang respect pada kamu dan sangat kecewa dengan sikap kamu. Saya benci manusia panas baran, walaupon mungkin kesengalan saya menjadi penyebab.

3. Saya tidak makan egg yolk, ikan bilis basah atau yang tidak rangup, organ dalaman haiwan, sayur yang rasanya pahit, udang yang tidak dibuang kulit, peanut dan banyak lagi malas mahu senaraikan. Saya suka pedas. Saya suka makan lauk yang banyak, lauk sahaja tanpa nasi pon boleh. Dan boleh bertahan tidak makan nasi selama entah tak kira pula berapa lama. Kalau makan nasi, saya akan jadi sugar addict. Perlu ada dessert, selalunya coklat sebab senang. Konsep dia macam orang merokok lepas makan nasi.

4. Saya tidak minum teh kecuali iced lemon tea dan teh krisantimum yang ada bunga krisantimum, bukan yang air kotak tu. Teh tarik bole la sikit2. Saya pening kalau minum teh lain. Tapi kalau minum coffee tidak mengapa itu saya sangat suka. Dan saya tidak suka minuman yang agak manis. Eyh mengada pulak part pasal makanan dan minuman ini. Maaf lah.

5. Saya sangat senang menangis bila tegok movie atau drama tv dan suka gelak tentang benda-benda trivial, macam gelak sebab budak berumur 3 tahun cuba untuk makan ice cream sundae bersungguh2. comel dan kelakar!

6. Oh ya, sebut tentang budak kecil, saya sangat suka babies. sangat sangat suka. mereka sangat adorable dan comel. Mereka buat saya senang hati, walaupon pada saat saya sangat devastated.

7. Saya ego. Rasanya yang ini semua yang megenali saya dengan rapat tahu. Oleh itu, sangat susah jika pasangan saya juga ego. Sebab bila bergadoh, siapa mahu pujuk?

8. Saya seorang yang tidak organise.

9. Saya family-oriented. Tapi kalau sudah ada bf, saya automatically jadi bf-oriented. Fakta yang ini saya sangat tidak suka. Lagi-lagi jika mendapat boyfriend yang berperangai Itali. Tsk.

10. Saya suka bila berbual-bual dengan strangers atau tourists (yang tidak mencurigakan dan mestilah kelihatan smart) sewaktu menunggu orang, semasa di bookstore atau sewaktu di dalam LRT. Tapi, mesti lah mereka yang approach saya dahulu.

11. Saya sangat-sangat suka Science subjects tetapi saya end up dalam bidang language. Sigh.

12. Sekarang ini, saya sedang mencari hobby baru supaya bila saya terlalu banyak masa lapang nanti, saya tidak lah annoying dan psycho tak tentu pasal mencarik pasal dengan orang-orang yang tertentu. Sebab bila saya boring, saya akan cuba mencari perhatian dan berdrama. Eyh, jika anda ada suggestion tentang hobby yang menarik untuk diceburi, sila lah suggest kepada saya ya.

Okay, sekian sahaja dahulu fakta tentang Badjie Xbietaquauallah Binti Ibadallah. Walaupon kamu tidak pernah berminat mahu tahu.

Don't look back in anger

2010-02-17T09:58:00.002+08:00

To a friend,

You know, the hardest part of breaking up is to move on. To let go of all your dreams and hopes, to not to think about your lost love before you fall asleep, to wake up from your sleep only to find that the person you love so dearly is no longer yours, to feel the emptiness, to look at the other couples and reminiscing the good old days when you were both happily in love.

But time heals. Time heals almost everything.

It is okay to let go. If your needs are not met, if there's no more mutual affection, if the feelings aren't mutual anymore, if there's no respect between the two of you, then the best thing to do is to let go. You have to let go, hard I know, but you just have to.

I used to believe that between the person I love and the person who loves me more, I'd prefer to be with the person who I love. Wrong, dear. I've learned that you just have to love yourself first before you could ever love anybody else. And the feelings just have to be mutual. You have to love the person who loves you back. And most importantly, who can respect you. Loving is nothing without respecting each other.

So now, let's face it. Moving on is hard, but staying, knowing that the person who used to love you is no longer in love with you, is harder. Don't make things harder by holding on to what has already been gone. You have to let it go. It is okay. You will be fine eventually, time heals. Cliche how it sounds, but true enough.

If you are not meant to be together, you will not be together. As simple as that. Because God knows best.

I hope you are strong enough to move forward. Stay open, cause who knows, lightning could strike :)

To those who miss someone so terribly,

"The silence isn't so bad, til I look at my hands and feel sad, cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly" :)

Life is easier for good looking people

2010-01-16T15:22:00.005+08:00

-The ugly truth. You judge.

Well, I do agree that some people will try to find excuses to avoid the responsibility on their own lives. They tend to blame their own fate, that they feel that their lives are harder because they were not born good looking. But come to think of it, good looking people do have advantages in the society. That's a fucktarded fact, I know. Just admit it. If two people are applying for a job and they both are equally smart, and they both meet the qualifications, the person who is more attractive, will most likely get the job.

Remember in your highschool years, the handsomest boy in your batch would be the most wanted bachelor and if there's any girl who got to go on a date with him, she'd be considered as the luckiest girl in that school? Does that ring a bell? Well, durhh. That's what we call, ouch, life. Welcome to reality, where have you been, were you dead? And usually the case is, well, the handsomest boy (bonus: rich and must be in the bad-boy category) will date the prettiest girl in the school. Yeah, the when-barbie-meets-ken story. Typical.

And yeah, life is much easier for those who are good looking (and rich). But that does not mean that we (the average) can't be happy. In fact, we can be happier than them if we focus on what we already have instead of what we don't have. Just be grateful and count our blessings. Make the best of what we already got. Maybe life is harder for us, but hey, that's the challenge! No pain, no gain. Looks don't last anyway. It's not even the best quality that anybody would want to be entitled to. You don't want to be just pretty (minus the brains, a.k.a bimbo). So, be nice to people. Be smart. And if you are good looking, that's a bonus. What matters most is the inner beauty. Yeah, pppffttt I know, don't even get me started on the beauty-is-only-skin-deep talk. Ppffftboringggg.

So, yeah, life might be easier for good looking people, but I love my life as it is. I love being me.

P/S: listen to these songs and you'd feel beautiful- Itu Kamu by Estrange, Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, You're beautiful by James Blunt and Ugly by Sugarbabe :)

sila berakhir cepat.

2010-01-10T17:46:00.002+08:00

sangat sangat stress.
cepat lah 12 minggu ini berlalu.
pls la masa cepat lah berlalu.
sy sungguh terseksa.

sangat sangat terseksa.

enough said.

Guru Terampil Badjie. ehe.

2010-01-03T13:38:00.005+08:00

Hello 2010. So this would be my first post for this year.

So, what's up?

Oh well, I'm gonna start my teaching practicum tomorrow. I rather not to think about it now, seriously I'm so freaking nervous. Yeah, back to school, kiddo. But this time, I'm gonna be the one who has to have 5 red pens in my pencil case and has to have 'that' stare when my students misbehave. Haha. Seriously, what's so funny about it? Me, being a teacher is no joke, you know. It is real. In fact it's happening tomorrow. I will become a teacher, for like 3 freaking long months, or so. Oh boy..

Speaking of school matters, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate my sis, Couriey, for getting straight As in her PMR. She took additional 1 subject, which is Bahasa Arab Komunikasi. So now I'm officially 1A behind her in PMR. Damn. Tak aci lah! But it's okay, she's everything I wasn't. She deserves it. She's hardworking and 'skema', nak amek result pon nk dtg skola before 7.30 a.m ugh sungguh annoying! Couriey is like kakak. Skema dan rajin. I'm the opposite of them. Tak pernah buat homework, homework tiru dari budak rajin dlm class, slalu skip classes n ponteng, lepastu slalu tanak pergi sekolah, semasa tadika 5 tahun hari2 masuk kelas kakak yang dah darjah satu sbb sangat mengada perlukan kakak, semasa darjah satu, nak tukar masuk kelas cousin sbb nk ada cousin dalam class, tapi nangis juga hari2 di sekolah dan ibu terpaksa tunggu di belakang kelas senyap2 keluar untuk berkerja dan bila sedar ibu tiada akan nangis. Jadi, nenek pon datang hari2 tunggu di kelas dan bawakan makanan. pergi sekolah ayah anta, mesti kne nampak kereta ayah pusing u-turn lalu depan sekolah. satu hari tu, tak nampak kereta ayah pusing u-turn dpn sekolah sbb ayah lalu jalan straight, terus nangis tanak masuk kelas dan dimasukkan dalam toilet oleh penjaga gate sekolah sampai berhenti menangis. (-_-") Bukan setakat sekolah rendah, sekolah menengah pon banyak hal. tukar 4 sekolah dalam masa 4 bulan semasa di tingkatan 4, satu sekolah sebulan dan rasa tak best jer, pindah sekolah lain sampai last2 masuk boarding school yg jauh di taiping, even dkt boarding school itu pon ponteng skola seminggu buat2 saket mata slalu dengan cara taruk facial foam dkt mata kasi merah dan setiap minggu fly balik rumah tak anta kad balik bermalam sbb nk balik setiap minggu padahal pelajar hanya dibenarkan balik SEBULAN SEKALI sahaja dan balik asrama balik pada hari isnin pkol 5am dr rumah lalu ayah mendapat banyak saman jalanraya sampai masuk mahkamah sbb ayah memandu ke taiping dengan hanya mengambil masa kurang 2 jam. semasa bersekolah dari tadika sampai tingkatan 4, cuti tahunan ayah dan ibu banyak dihabiskan untuk my school matters. No wonder my uncles and cousins terkejut when they found out I'm gonna be a teacher! Hahhahahha!!!! I hate school and ironic sungguh sekarang perlu menghabiskan hidup selama 3 bulan di sekolah. Hhahaha!

P/S: 2009 was nice. A lot of things have happened to me last year, and I'm still here, living my awesome life fabulously! 2009 was even nicer than 2008 or 2006. I hope 2010 will be amazing! So please, please, please be kind, 2010 darling.

If Only She Knew....

2009-12-18T13:05:00.007+08:00

He Had Such Quiet Eyes
by Bibsy Soenharjo

He had such quiet eyes
She did not realise
They were two pools of lies
Layered with thinnest ice
To her, those quiet eyes
Were breathing desolate sighs
Imploring her to be nice
And to render him paradise

If only she'd been wise
And had listened to the advice
Never to compromise
With pleasure-seeking guys
She'd be free from 'the hows and whys'

Now here's a bit of advice
Be sure that nice really means nice
Then you'll never be losing at dice
Though you may lose your heart once or twice :)

This is a very beautiful poem, about the deceptiveness in the so-called love. A man with seductive, powerful, enchanting, alluring, very calm eyes will surely melt the heart of every naive, innocent, foolish young lady, who will eventually give her everything to him, devote herself to satisfy his starving lust. In the first stanza, the quiet eyes 'were two pools of lies, layered with thinnest ice' suggested that the man's eyes are very profound, calm, peaceful, but very deceiving and perilous. Like the thin ice on the surface of a lake, it looks tranquil, peaceful, very calm, alluring, welcoming, but the minute you set your feet on it, it will break and drown you in the deep, icy cold, freezing water, you can't breathe. So, the guy will say something like "I love you, and if you love me, prove it!" Proving it by rendering him paradise, if you know what I mean. Come on, 14-17 year-olds, trying to explore things, applying what they have watched on megaporn.com? Yeah so much for the "satisfying the curiosity" wtaevercrapnot! Ppfffft give me a break! Show him your love by making love? Spread the love by spreading the legs? Pffffftttt. Love, your arse!

So in the second stanza, after the girl has given the boy her everything, all that remains are questions left unanswered. She can only ask herself the hows and whys, "how could you do this to me?", "how could you leave me after all that I've done for you?", "how could I ever trust you?", "why did you do this to me?", "why did you walk away?", "why is this happening to me, I love you so much, I gave you my all, but why did you leave me, why?!!!" She just can't stop wallowing in self pity and blaming herself. Ohh.. (T_T)

In the last stanza, "be sure that nice really means nice" meaning that if a guy is being nice to you, make sure that he does not have any hidden agenda. Do not fall into his trap. Don't just simply buy his L words, because you're gonna have to pay for it, and you are the one who will always be at the losing end. The last line sums it all up beautifully. It is okay to be heartbroken, to lose love once or twice, but there is something in a girl that once she has lost it, she will never get it back.

So, in other words, girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy makes girl believe that he loves, girl gives her everything to boy, girl loses everything, boy leaves girl, and yeah that's that. The end.

Yes this is one of the poems from the new literature component for secondary schools for form 4 and form 5. Truth be told, I like the new literature texts better. The poems and short stories are more suitable for the students' age. And hoyeah they will also be doing drama mama mia! Drama is fun, really. It is far more interactive than just reading the text and inferring the literally meaning *yawn* boring! Them students will sure love it!

However, we haven't been taught on how to teach the new literature texts to our students. All these while, for approximately 10 years, we ate, drank, breathed, and dreamt about the necklace, the road not taken, life's brief candle, kino, juana and coyotito in the pearl, the drover's wife, mokgobja and his superstitious ritual in the effort of looking for a rain God, the sadistic romance of the phantom of the opera, etc etc. We have technically lived knowing these poems, short stories and novels like the back of our hands. And when it is time for us to throw it out, to let it all out and be an expert, explaining every single thing about the poems and short stories to our students smoothly with passion, so expressively, tadaaaa, the literature texts have now been changed. And we have just been informed about this news, the new text changes during our pre-practicum, which was a couple of weeks ago. And to make it more dramatic, next year, next month, in January, I will be doing my practicum. PRACTICUM. the most dreaded word for all sem 7 students. Practicum, with the new literature texts, no guidelines whatsoever, how ironic! So friends, stop complaining, let's be genius! Good luck! Oh yeah we need it!

And oh btw, I think the poem above- "He Had Such Quiet Eyes" is best summed up by the song: Fifteen by Taylor Swift :)

Ayah, nak kawennnn!!!

2009-12-07T19:31:00.001+08:00

You know, being 23 (or should i say, 24?) is really depressing. I feel old, really. During this time of the year, yes it's already december mind you, school holidays, semester break and whatnot, I've got soooo many wedding invitations from my dear friends! Oh come on, chillex! It is still quite early to get married, no? Teeet, wrong! Everybody is soooo getting married! And I started to freak out, really, seriously. What happens to I-want-to-pursue-my-phd-before-I-get-married or I'd-like-to-enjoy-my-single-life-a-little-longer or hey-i-don't-wanna-rush-into-things-and-i-want-to-keep-my-options-open? Smorg libido dah rising to the peak eh? *sigh356times* (cis, itu nama dia dah jodoh dan kau yg jodoh ntah bila nk sampai jgn nk jeles! -_-")

So I had this conversation with a friend, Q. And I told him that I've made a plan to escape. Like when december comes, I'll plan a getaway, hibernating in a cave or something. Tsk. Reality hurts but whattehell, I should just try to soldier on. It's okay darlings. I'll definitely go to your weddings. Mana tau berjumpa jodoh di sana terus tumpang tok kadi buat double weddings. haha. Okay that sounds desperate ugh euw blergh!

And oh it makes me wonder, if you have different life values/views with your partner, can you two be together, happily everrr afterrr? You know, like when you have different opinions on issues. You see things differently, you two have different perspectives on life. For me, it is okay. In fact, it can be a good thing, the catalyst of your relationship progression. I am argumentative. I like to argue, a lot. And I look up to a partner who takes a strong stand on what he think is right, who can come up with reasons to justify his claims and respects my opinions at the same time. And I like to ask, a lot. That way, I gain a lot of knowledge and useful inputs. And if he is wrong, or if he does not have the answer to my question, then he has to admit it and we can explore things together. It is a good thing, right? Like two magnets with different charges attracted to each other.

But what if the two of you just don't share the same outlook on what is important in life. You want different things in life. Your life's principles are different, like, your partner is a heavy smoker, he can't live without puffing tobacco and burning off his lungs and exhaling carbon monoxide, but you really think he should stop smoking because you don't wanna be a victim of second hand smoke, inhaling carbon monoxide thank you very much, which can cause you (and your cute kids) lung cancer. So, how would you deal with this kind of issue?

I think toleration is the key. Both parties have to tolerate and compromise. You can't just expect him to stop smoking right there and then. Give him time. It's not easy for a tobacco addict to stop smoking but that shouldn't be the excuse either. It's not easy but it is possible. Or, if you just can't compromise due to your health condition, then you have to find a partner who doesn't smoke ciggie, leaving him 2 options, losing you or stop smoking.

However, if the issues are on religious matters, then you should NOT compromise. Like, drinking alcohol. If dah kawen dan bakal atau sudah menjadi bapa pon still menoggak cheap beers (or expensive liquor), pergi clubbing budget kau bujang lagi dan tak mahu berubah, susah lah. Dude, you are the leader of the family, bear that in mind! Ppffftt.

And of course we have certain expectations or criteria that our partner has to meet kan? It depends on what do you look for in a partner. Does he/she have to be good looking? Does she/he have to be a good cook? Do you appreciate looks over intelligence? What about inner beauty? So the choice is in your hands.

Most women tend to be blinded by the so-called strong feelings. Like, just by looking at him, your heart skips a beat and you can't seem to get him off of your mind 24/7, or just by hearing his name, you can't stop smiling. Is it love? You sooo want to marry this person and devote your life to him and have his babies! But wait, red alert, ladies! Don't just look at how do you feel about him, look at how he treats you. You have to varify your feelings with facts. If he can't treat you right, don't give yourself excuses like, "he doesn't call or text me, it doesn't mean he doesn't care, he is just busy." Pppffttt. (Sila baca "dia memang tidak sgt ke dalam kau" dan "awas, jangan dibelenggu lagi!")

Okay, he might have treated you well. But you also have to look at how he confronts a situation, how he deals with problems, how he tackles the mysteries of life, how he treats other people. He might be masking his actual behavior with all the sweet talks and "good deeds" to you just to win your heart, dear. Bila dah kawen, he will show his true colour. So, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect.

Compatibility is really important, lovers! Look for a partner who can bring laughter to your life, who laughs with you, not who laughs AT you. Laughter brings magic to your relationship or marriage. Really. After a long day at work, when you have had a bad day, when everything didn't go your way, you just need a partner who can lighten you up, laughs together about that shit and makes you feel better.

Yes, getting married is like whohooo yay kawen!! But choosing the right partner to spend your whole life with, is FREAKING DIFFICULT. Getting married is not just about the licence to have legal sex, having cute babies, or having someone to do your laundry or cook for you. Marriage is a synonym of responsibility. And responsibility is a BIG word. It is all about responsibility and COMMITMENT. So, are you ready for the togetherness?

And for all the newlyweds, congratulations! May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse :)

At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are lonely, some are having good company, some hate the world, some live life to the fullest, some are lying to others, others are just learning to face the truth. Some have found new love, others are heartbroken. Some are moving on, others are still holding back. Some bitch about others and some are good, struggling with the bad. Some are loved, and some have lost love. Some fall in love and others fall out of love. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one :)

You know, it brings tears to my eyes seeing old couple hoding hands ;')

;')

Break a freaking leg!

2009-12-06T01:18:00.013+08:00

Good luck in your exams,

F8 - Dec 9th 2009, wenesday
P1 - Dec 14th 2009, Monday
P2 -Dec 15th 2009, Tuesday
P3 - Dec 16th 2009, Wednesay
XO143 - Onwards!

Ehee :)

Cepat la abes! Kau jangan nak malas2 okay! Sila jangan fail.

Jadi, untuk itu, lagu ini untuk anda. Haha. Poyo gila kan nk post kt sini lagu kau ni. Ini sebab nak kasi semangat. Sbb kau kn suka dengar lagu ini joget2 dulu baru nak study. Tsk. Kesian, retarded.

May the force be with you!

Bonne chance!

xxxoo

2009-12-04T07:10:00.005+08:00

And what I've dreamed for is to walk beside you as you make way through this beautiful thing called life, and tomorrow, I'm going to miss those moments again. - Asyraf

awas, jangan dibelenggu lagi!

2009-11-30T19:28:00.008+08:00

sy ini bukan love guru. sy sgt hampeh dlm bab2 bercinta. walaupon sy ni lover-oriented, tetapi sy selalu sahaja kurang bernaseb baik dlm bab2 bercinta. mungkin belom berjumpa dengan Mr. Right lagi atau pon mungkin belom sampai tahap berjumpa dengan seorang kekaseh yang mahu steady dalam hubungan percintaan kot. masalah yang biasa sy hadapi adalah percintaan jarak jauh, pandangan/pemikiran/prinsip hidup yang berbeza, ataupon tidak boleh/mahu komited dalam perhubungan samada dr pihak sy atau pon si dia. jadi itu sangat menyukarkan kedua2 belah pihak. akhirnya kami pon berpisah untuk kebaikan bersama.

jadi, di sini sy mahu merepek tentang hubungan yang tidak sihat. mungkin itu adalah petanda yang perhubungan itu sudah akan berakhir atau pon satu amaran agar anda perlu lah mengambil tindakan untuk perbaiki hubungan itu.

salah satu petanda yang hubungan anda bersama kekaseh berada dalam kategori hubungan tidak sihat adalah apabila perhubungan itu tiada 'mutual respect'. seperti contoh, anda suka memaki hamun atau mencarut dan dia juga kadang2 dijadikan 'punching bag' untuk anda melepas marah memaki hamun apabila sesuatu yang anda tidak suka berlaku. perkataan seperti "bodoh", "babi", "fuck you" dan "nakharrom" sudah biasa sangat dikeluarkan kepada si dia. mungkin dia juga akan terikot2 menggunakan perkataan seperti itu kepada anda, seperti pepatah 'give respect to earn respect'. jadi, kalau anda tiada respect pada dia, dia pon akan hilang respect pada anda lah. anda fikir perbuatan itu cool? tidak langsung. malah itu menunjukkan betapa picis nya anda, hubungan itu dan dia pada anda. selain itu, anda perlulah melayan pasangan anda dengan hormat. jangan paksa dia membuat sesuatu yang dia tidak suka dan marah2 apabila dia tidak buat seperti yang anda suroh. cakap lah elok2. jangan naik tangan atau mencederakan dia. tolonglah jangan merendahkan maruah anda seperti binatang atau lebih teruk dr binatang. anda juga perlulah hormat perasaan dia. sebagai kekaseh, anda perlulah bersifat penyayang dan mengambil berat sedikit. jangan lah mengabaikan dia tanpa sebarang text message atau phone call. mempunyai kekaseh yang tidak mengambil kisah langsung seperti itu memang sungguh menyeksakan jiwa raga. hormat lah orang yang anda proclaim your undying love confessions itu. kalau dia mahu bercerita, dengar lah. kalau dia mahu memberi pendapat, jangan terus mencelah dan meremehkan dia. biar lah kalau kekaseh anda gemok sedikit setakat bertambah 2-3 kg tidak perlu lah menjatohkan self-esteem dia dengan mengatakan yang dia gemok. ataupon dengan sengaja nya merendah2 kan kekaseh anda, terutamanya dihadapan orang lain. kalau anda rasa conscious sgt sbb mempunyai kekaseh yang hebat, anda tidak perlu lah menjadi loser dengan sengaja put her down constantly untuk menaikkan ego anda. itu sangat sampah and definitely you don't have the balls to deal with her awesomeness. kalau dah memang anda rasa kekaseh anda itu tidak cukup bagus untuk anda, kenapa masih lagi mahu bersama? berambus sudeyh. banyak lagi tentang respect ini. apa2 pon, anda perlulah hormat pasangan anda untuk menjamin perhubungan yang sihat.

kedua, anda berdua mempunyai masalah berkomunikasi. bagi sy, communication is the key to success. dalam apa jua perkara pon, komunikasi adalah alat yang paling berkesan untuk mencapai mutual understanding atau untuk convey message. tetapi untuk berkomunikasi pon ada caranya. komunikasi lah dengan menggunakan psychology, bukan emosional semata. kalau tidak, ia boleh mendatangkan pergaduhan. jadi kadang2 kedua2 belah pihak hanya pendamkan sahaja apa yang di rasa sbb mereka mempunyai masalah komunikasi. secara nature nya, lelaki akan cuba untuk mengelak bercakap tentang soal hati dan perasaan. tetapi, perempuan sangat suka bercakap tentang soal hati dan perasaan. communication gap between men and women can lead to miscommunication and arguments dan seterusnya menjadi relationship barier. As we know, men and women interact and intrpret things differently. most men think compartmentally while women think globally. secara general nya lelaki akan bercerita tentang bola, kemudian tentang boobs and bontot perempuan, selepas itu tentang budak yang paling picis di kolej. tetapi, perempuan suka connect kan semua skali semasa bercerita sbb mereka berfikir secara global. selain itu, perempuan suka bercakap secara indirect atau berkias dan lelaki lebih direct. perempuan suka pusing2 lelaki lebih straight to the point. jadi, kebanyakkan perempuan akan membebel dan lelaki pula memang menyampah apabila kena bebel. jadi susah la mahu berkomunikasi. tetapi, silent treatment bukan caranya. kalau tak puas hati, kedua belah pihak harus lah cuba untuk menyuarakan drp memendam. apa2 masalah pon boleh di kautim kalau diluah kan. kalau pendam, bagaimana nak tahu apa masalahnya, kan? kalau asyik pendam nanti smpai satu tahap meletup, habis lah semua. tetapi, lagi sekali perlu ditegaskan, perlu lah ada psychology untuk approach sesuatu issue itu.

selain itu, tiada toleransi dan kompromi. you cannot always win everything. semua anda yang nk menang, semua anda sahaja yang betol. anda salahkan semua pada kekaseh anda. anak lipan ada dalam nasi dekat kedai mamak pon nak salahkan kekaseh anda. bukan dia yang masukkan lipan itu dan sengaja mahu tunjuk pada anda. apa2 pon toleransi dan kompromi adalah dua elemen penting dalam sesebuah hubungan itu. anda tidak boleh expect semua yang anda mahu anda akan dapat. kekaseh anda juga manusia. dia mempunyai kekurangan dan selalu buat kesilapan. if you love someone, her imperfections make her perfect in your eyes. cintai lah dia seadanya. mengalah la sekali sekala. belajar untuk tolerate. ego anda itu tidak kemana. dah nama pon in a relationship, kalau tak mahu tolerate dan pentingkan diri, kenapa mahu menjalinkan hubungan? pergi hidup sorang2 dalam gua sana.

tidak tahu appreciate atau menghargai orang tersayang juga boleh menyebabkan hubungan anda hancur. kadang2 kita selalu lupa untuk menghargai orang yang kita sayang dan yang sangat menyayangi kita. we always take things for granted. seperti dalam post sebelum ini yang bertajuk love is funny sometimes, kita selalu tak sedar betapa pentingnya dan sayangnya kita pada kekaseh kita sehingga dia pergi meninggalkan kita. tak susah pun nak hargai orang yang kita sayang. let hir (her/him) know that you love hir. if your partner does something nice to you, berterima kasih lah. kalau dia masak untuk anda, walaupun hanya dua biji makanan dan anda rasa itu tidak cukup, instead of being mad at her, say thank you dan makan lah dengan penuh kaseh sayang, sbb dalam setiap biji makanan itu terkandung kaseh sayang yang maha hebat. walaupon mungkin makanan yang di buat itu sedikit masin. kalau dia ada bersama anda, jangan lah mengabaikan dia sepanjang hari dengan bermain pes10. hargai effort dia untuk membuatkan anda makanan dan juga utuk meluangkan waktu bersama anda. sekali sekala, kasi lah hati dia berbunga2 pula. kalau anda mempunyai wang lebih kerana berjimat cermat berjaya menghisap hanya sekotak dunhill 20 seminggu, bawa lah dia makan di tempat yang istimewa sedikit. dia pon pasti cukup bahagia kerana anda telah berjaya mengurangkan menghisap rokok. kalau nk dia lagi bahagia, terus berhenti. haha. hadiahkan lah dia sebuah lagu dengan petikan gitar yang anda belajar bersama rakan untuk didengarkan kepada dia, ataupon masak lah untuk dia pula. paling penting dan paling basic, tunjukkan yang anda caring terhadap dia. kalau sebelum ini anda suka hati nak message atau tidak, nak call sebulan sekali pon harapan, satu hari anda langsung tak bertanya khabar, apa kata anda cuba message dia selalu dan call2 dia kadang2. apa lah salahnya anda pula tunjukkan usaha dalam hubungan itu. pasti hubungan itu akan lebih indah, percaya lah!

selfish. dengan perangai selfish anda, percaya lah, kekaseh anda sangat2 terseksa. semua anda sahaja yang penting. remember, the world doesn't revolve around you, so does her world. even if dia taruk anda sebagai priority. jangan ambil kesempatan. mungkin kelemahan dia adalah apabila dia menyintai seseorang, dia akan cinta sehabis mati. tetapi, sebagai kekaseh yang mengaku sayang dan cintai dia, anda jangan lah mengambil kesempatan dengan mementingkan diri sendiri. mentang2 lah dia sayang anda dan jadikan anda priority, anda jadi malas nk berusaha dalam relationship itu. semua harapkan dia. kalau hubungan dah macam bosan dan tiada 'spark' lagi, anda salahkan dia sebab tidak ada effort untuk menceriakan hubungan itu. anda pula buat apa? pernah tak anda berusaha untuk menghidupkan hubungan anda berdua? sila lah jawab. jadi, jangan lah pentingkan diri sendiri. kalau anda tidak selfish dan fikir tentang pasangan anda, pasti lah hubungan anda akan berjaya.

ada satu pepatah barat mengatakan "it takes two to tango" atau mungkin pepatah melayu yang berkaitan adalah "bertepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi". relevan tak? maksud sy, sesuatu hubungan itu haruslah 'mutual'. kalau satu pihak tak boleh nk menghormati kehendak dan menghargai pihak yang lagi satu, jadi jangan lah bercinta. kalau satu pihak tak boleh nak faham, tolerate dan berkompromi dengan pihak satu lagi, jangan nak menggatal ada kekaseh. sbb kalau anda sangat selfish dengan membiarkan satu pihak sahaja yang mencuba menyelamatkan atau menghidupkan perhubungan kamu berdua, memang sgt sukar lah itu. jadi, untuk sesuatu perhubungan itu menjadi, kedua2 belah pihak haruslah berusaha untuk menghidupkan ia. kalau rasa2 susah sangat, sila lah ucap selamat tiggal, for good.

sekian.

2009-11-29T12:29:00.008+08:00

I feel a bit cranky and restless due to lack of sleep. Oh my, look at the damage Ive done to my self! Look at these eye bags, ugh! I've tried everything to shut my eyes to sleep so that i can recharge my energy and be in a good mood the next day. Even drinking milk and reading boring books don't work. I just can't friggin' sleep. Oh, shall I blame it on the internet- the distraction of modern life, for keeping me awake the whole night? Hello, insomnia. Nice to meet you, very 'nice' indeed. Ppppfffttt. Erratic sleep does take a toll on my health. Now I look like a zombie. A fat zombie. A very fat, fugly, boring zombie. Oh dear.

Btw, I'm thinking about cutting my hair short. I've always had long hair my whole life! So, I want to try a new look, with short hair. But 80% of the respondents disagreed. One particular respondent strongly disagreed, saying that I look friggin ugly with short hair. Menyampah gila tgk, burok gila ko rambut mcmtu (Accap, 2009). Tsk. Baik lah sy sedar (T_T) I received quite a number of comments about my short hair vs. long hair but i'm still confused.

short hair

vs.

long hair

haih... (-_-")

My babies are growin up so fast!

2009-11-27T12:23:00.018+08:00

Meet my babies, Andrea and his baby sister, Batrisya. They both have blue eyes, Andy has brunette hair and Brisya has blonde hair because of the genetic mutation. (excessive exposure to Brad Pitt's, Scarlette Johansson's and Brandon Boyd's photos, films, videos, etc.)

Andy and Brisya in pre-school.

4 year old Princess Brisya and 6 year old Macho Andy

Andy and Brisya Rocking out on their dolls. Hey Andy has his ear pierced and he's only 6! But Brisya has always been a goody sweetie cutie princess. Ehe.

Brisya and Andy in kindergarten. Andy's current obsession-football, pes10, futsal. It's in the blood. He wants to be like uncle Pirlo. Brisya is as lovely as everrrr.

Andy and Brisya have grown up lovely! Awww~

Andy looks metrosexual in his pink pants. Haha. He loves girlsssssss though. Well durhhh.. he's so staright okay! Brisya's current favorite colors are pink and white. And yes, she does look perfect in these two colors. She looks very.... BRISYA. Andy with his ipod and Brisya with her book. They are in elementary now!

Andy looks very familiar....

Cuz they both have the same traits! Eceyh. Or maybe just because they both wear the same color shirt and pants. (That's more like it! Haha!)

Btw, I wanted to change Andy's and Brisya's hairstyle. Daddycool wants Brisya to have Brunette hair, just like her brother. So, maybe I'm gonna do a makeover for both my babies. Tho I think Andy looks so handsome now, he doesn't need to change anything. And Brisya looks so lovely but maybe brunette suits her better? hurm...

p/s: virtual babies keep me occupied during this period of time. Haha, pathetic, but hey, I don't give a shaite. Cuz they are so cute! I love my Andrea and Batrisya! Tehee (^____^)

Written by: Supermom.

Love is funny sometimes...

2009-11-25T05:18:00.003+08:00

Love is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your boyfriend or girlfriend treats you badly but you ask for their forgiveness and blame yourself instead, like when your lover proclaims to love you unconditionally but he or she just can’t stop criticizing you, like when you try to convince yourself that you are significant to your significant other despite the fact that he or she doesn’t even care about you. Love is funny sometimes, but you can’t laugh because it hurts so badly. Love is funny sometimes, but you can’t laugh because you are actually the laughingstock of it.

“T.H. White said, perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically… to those who hardly think about us in return.” Like a child who will always forgive his father for working so hard and always forgets his birthday, a mother who will always be waiting so patiently for her long lost SiTenggang to come home during Hari Raya, a lover who will always put up with the unattached, self-absorbed, pleasure-seeking partner who doesn’t know how to treat her right.

You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing or person is about to be taken away from us that we've realized how wrong we've been, that we realized how much we need it, how much we love it. Like a father who has missed his son’s graduation, a mother who has had a miscarriage because of her alcohol and smoking habits, a narcissistic model who was so arrogant and in a blink of an eye has lost her beauty in an accident, a boyfriend who has taken his girlfriend for granted and when she finally decided to go, only then he started to miss her so badly. A breakup. A death.

Love is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the lyrics of songs and in the eyes of someone you love.

Love is funny sometimes, but if you're lucky, if you're really, really lucky, the person you love will to love you back.

Appreciate your loved ones today because tomorrow it might be too late.
Say "I love you" to them now cause you don't know what might happen later.
Cherish every moment you spend with them and keep it in your memory.

I love you, I really do. But who am I to say you love me?

2009-11-20T21:50:00.006+08:00

Hari yang sgt membosankan di rumah. Seharian di rumah. Mundar mandir dan pening kepale. Bile dilihat buku itu tiada apa yang menarik, hampir sekalian perkataan tak dapat difahami. Bila tembakau dinyalakan terasa seperti segar tapi tidak pun. Sedar sedar rupanya hampir sekotak tembakau lesap sejak pagi tadi. Oh teruk sungguh semakin kuat pengaruh dia. Ingin saja menidurkan diri lama lama tapi fikiran terasa risau dan kacau bilau. Tapi bila tak dapat menumpukan perhatian terpaksalah beralih ke bawah.
Mencuba permainan baru, Fifa10 nama diberi. Sangat sukar, tak dapat menguasai sungguh. Dan sang picisan victor caesar masih tak menurunkan ilmu dia sepenuhnya. Biasalah, takut satu hari nanti diperkotak katikkan lah tu. Ade saja rahsia di dada nya. Kembali badan terasa letih dan tiba tiba perut pula terasa lapar. Apa lagi cuba mengelak dari bosan, internet lah jawapan nya. Tapi sekali lagi, tak tahu mahu berbuat apa. Jadi singgahlah aku ke sini.
Ingin aku talipon mereka memesan makaanan, aduhai telipon bimbit pula tak berfungsi. Dah kene potong mungkin talian maxis ini. Kasihan lah aku beberapa hari begini. Tak dapat juga menghantar pesanan ringkas pada si dia. Banyak pula pembebelan di sini, sebenarnya sengaje berbuang masa, dan tak ada hasad dengki. Mungkin harus aku mengorak langkah ke bilik air, membasah badan kerna dari pagi tak mandi. Sumpah aku tak terasa badan ini berbau busuk, tapi atas nasihat kawan kawan atas dasar menjaga kebersihan perlulah aku terbitkan juga perbuatan itu. Sekian, sampai disini saja untuk kekaseh yang mungkin ingin mengetahui apa yang terjadi pada hari ini.

It's not that i love them less, but it's just that i love u more.

Edisi Mengejut: Bukan Saya Sengaja. Jeng Jeng Jeng!

2009-11-19T13:42:00.003+08:00

Kau nak ckp ape mok? - Asyraf

Aku taknak cakap pape, aku tak tahu pape. - Shahrizwan

Hahaha.. - Asyraf

Paklong disgusting. - Shahrizwan

Erie Pekan gay, kanina dah la x kejut aku futsal smlm. Mat Anip pun same. - Asyraf

Sedapnya bau makanan, jom makan Ayahanda jom, ade makanan lagi tak? - Shahrizwan

Bonda lah - Asyraf

Aku dah pegi smlm, due hari turut2 makan sane, kelmarin dgn Layla. - Shahrizwan

Si bodoh ni kenapelah nak tulis jugak dalam ni. - Shahrizwan

Hekhekeehehk - Asyraf

Silent mode malaikat lalu.

Abis nak makan mane mok, - Asyraf

Makan kat mulut - Shahrizwan

Jom ajak goyang2 makan, jgnlah tulis kat situ nnt awek ko tau cap. - Shahrizwan

Hai, kami nak pergi makan, awak nak ikot tak? - Asyraf

Sekian di sini saja post untuk hari ini. Post ini terjadi bukan kerana kehendak kami. Saya pun tiada sebarang niat jahat. - Asyraf

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. So tell me how can I live without you? - Asyraf Zakaria to Badjie Xbietaquauallah Ibadallah

Second Language Acquisition = Stop Lazying Around.

2009-11-01T11:51:00.005+08:00

To all part 6, B. Ed. TESL, UiTM Shah Alam students,

Good luck and all the best for the Second Language Acquisition (SLA) paper tomorrow.

Let's rock it, dorks!

Just one paper, baby. Only this one.

So, break a leg!

Let's study SLA and SLA (stop lazying around!)

kejalangan perempuan itu.

2009-10-05T13:48:00.002+08:00

mascherano lagi bodoh, lucas memang sudah diketahui bodoh. itulah sebenarnye topik perbualan kita pada hari ini. maafkan saye kerana tajuk di atas tidak relavan, tapi yang sebenarnye memang saye rasakan, rafael benitez seperti seorang perempuan yang jalang, pada malam tadi, sekali lagi saya tegaskan, pada pendapat saya. ramai yang mempersoalkan, penggunaan dua "defensive midfielder" - memang tidak berkesan, bukan saya yang kata, paul massefield yang kata. it is clear that the blues using 4 players who are certainly well experienced, fuck off to them - ballack essien deco and lampard. yes, ancelotti was right, they possessed the ball and force the reds to play long passes to el nino, the isolated one on the top. yes he is well known, top class of striker who won the golden boot when he was sixteen, youth world cup, regarded as best striker, with cute face, - yes, he once dreamed to be a rockstar, but the pay for his legs is much higher than his guitar. but with the ball in the air to catch with physical force from his back, terry and carvalho, with michael essien shadows his all 90 minutes, fernando torres looks terribly exhausted. tengoklah kebodohan mascherano, membiarkan bola terlepas, kemudian kena counter-attack, drogba the architech - thanks to nicolas anelka's cool finishing. so the question here, why rafael benitez should use, and continue using two defensive midfielders - who are uncreative, and only know how to play short simple pass? bukannye kedua ekor mereka mengekori drogba sepanjang masa, malah salah seorang pun tidak. memang celake. sudah penat, penulisan berhenti di sini, nanti sambung lagi.

ditulis oleh - haa yang ini kita tak tahu.

dam deem dum bunyi mercun!

2009-09-16T10:06:00.005+08:00

Eid Mubarak? Raya? You're talking about hari raya, honey? Ha ha! Pardon me for being so bitter but you wouldn't be so eager if you were in my shoes.

No wonder my seniors warned me about being ready to be living life in hell once you've entered semester 6. No wonder 6 is such an evil number, I mean triple 6. 'm so busy to the extent of spending most of my time onlining chit chatting at YM and commenting ppl in FB. No I mean yes, that too, FB is a huge distaction, but it has never made my life a living hell (Okay moron, my life doesn't revolve around FB, mind you). Wait, no. FB is very useful, seriously. It is a very interactive tool in learning. I-learn is so not user-friendly so my lecturer decided to do online tutorial using FB, cool isn't it? The assignments, notifications, quizes and whatnot will be posted in FB. Plus, you'll notice that many of your classmates will still be greenly or idly 'available' in FB the night before the deadline of your assignment, which indicates that yeah you guys are a bunch of lazy procrastinators or you guys strive for perfection and will never get satisfied with your work and decided to edit, re-edit here and there for gazillion times before submitting the assignment. Well you know which group I belong to. I'm not lazy, it is just my preferred style of learning. I work best under pressure, seriously. Even if I got ample time to do my assignment, I will wait til the very last minute to start doing it. I've tried to do my assignment two/three days earlier before the deadline but to no avail. I'm addicted to the pressure, the counting down the time remaining, the panda eyes, the smell of a cup of a very rich you'll-pee-every-two-minutes nescafe, the buzzing your classmates just for the fun of it knowing that they are too in the same situation, the lack of sleep, etc. Isn't it fun?

You know how much sleep I get every friggin night for the sake of getting education? 24 hours a day is not friggin enough. The best part is while you're having your sweet Hari Raya, I'll be busy doing asshitments and preparing for microteachings and tests.

Check out my to-do-list:

Microteaching writing- Monday 28/9, 8.30
Test Writing- Monday or wednesday 28 or 30/9
Asian Lit Movie Analysis presentation- Monday 28/9, 6pm
Microteaching teaching literature- wednesday 30/9, 3pm
Presentation SLA- Thursday 1/10, 10.30am
Seminar Classroom anagement- Thursday 1/10, 2pm
Microteaching Grammar-Friday 2/10, 3pm
(All these in just one week, ONE friggin week, yo! Oh look at my MONDAY surprise, very sweet!)

ALL THE QUIZES AND WRITTEN ASSIGNMENTS NEED TO BE SUBMITTED RIGHT AFTER MY SWEET RAYA BREAK, which is on MONDAY. (another monday surprise, tadaa!) Thank you very much.

God, pls have mercy on me! I'm so dead. I'm gonna be hysterically, ecstatically, frantically sewel ESPECIALLY ON MONDAY.

So, happy eid mubarak, dear.

Oh well.

Burrrpp.. Oooopsie ehe.

2009-09-03T20:48:00.006+08:00

13 days and still counting..
HAPPY FASTING EVERBODY!

Ish knapa asal pakai tudung mesti nak selekeh T_T

Assalamualaikum cikgu! (wah dah nmpk dah!! ready untuk practicum next sem hoyeah!)

So in this holy month, I'd like to wish you all Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa. dan selamat hari raya yg sgt advance kpd siapa2 yg dah raya. (farysa, jgn tersedak okay)

Ugh post ini sgt vain jbnfsdhbhsbbfshg (bulan pose kene mencarut camni) tapi excited nk tunjuk bakat cikgu (sila rujuk rajah 2). Ada muka cikgu2 kan? Hopefully practicum dec ni supervisor tgk cam oh budak ni ada muka cikgu2 ni haa terus kasi A+. Ehe.

Sekian.

Hey lazy saturday at sunway!

2009-08-19T22:12:00.007+08:00

It was a lazy saturday afternoon. I was lazying around doing nothing, counting down the hours, waiting for Farysa to come home from God-knows-where and suddenly Ariff buzzed me. It was approximately 4pm.

Ariff: buzz
Bee: yes?
Ariff: Are you free?
Bee: err. yea kind of.. y?
Ariff: Jom World stage!
Bee: ... OKAY!

So I took a shower, got dressed and off I went.

Yes I was fucking pissed off with Farysa. How could you go to Penang w/o even telling me? Am I invisible, like hell-o? I wouldn't fucking mind, knowing that it was an emergency. But you gotta respect me dude. I was worried sick trying to call you the whole day but couldn't get through. I wasted my energy and time, worrying about you and there you were hu-ha-hu-ha-ing at the anak-mami-land, with a bunch of friends, chilling at the beach, "yam seng" in the club, smokin' pot, bla bla bla yeah WHAT.EVERRRRRRRRRR!

Hah! I got a free pass to the MTV world stage anyway! Hoyeaaahh! Where were you at again? Penang? Bleerrghh!! Boooooring!!

Okay where was I? Oh yea, got there half an hour late. Ariff has waited for me patiently outside sunway lagoon for I-don't-know-how-long. Then he gave me the ticket and we went inside. We missed the performance by the local bands but yeah whatever, I couldn't care less, I was there to meet my lover, Tyson Ritter!! and and the Raygun, and and and Doug Robb!! and and and the Kasabian OMG I love their British accent! and and and Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! *faint*

It was hot, we were sweating like pigs, gasping for oxygen and it was such a huge crowd in a very constricted space which restricted our movements, but we were moving hard and jumping and rockin' anyway, and everybody was pushing each other, wanted to get a clearer view of the stage. Yea, you get the drift. But all in all, it was all worthwhile :)

I mean, where else can you see Tyson Ritter in Glitter Oh Em Gee it rhymes! and where else can I just let loose and be extremely overjoyed, singing and screaming at the top of my lungs for like 5 hours straight? I can't believe I did all that with Ariff ha ha we had a great time! Jyeaahh!

It was a blast, the hype, the crazy crowd, the atmosphere, we were all rockin' hot, hell it was incredibly awesome! Now, you're talking about Penang, baby? Ha ha!

Spot me, can you?

Farysa then came to fetch me. Sorry honey you had to wait for.. let me count, err.. from 8 something til 11 something yeah, for about 3 hours? I swear I wasn't trying to get even with you, I didn't hold a grudge, I wasn't trying to get the sweet revenge or what so evah, I was late because it was the Kasabian performing live, baby! Yeah I know you were fucking tired rushing back here from Penang and your friends were sleepy and tired too, but I couldn't help it I was glued to where I was, and oh wait, did I tell you that Tyson Ritter was so eccentric, he was obviously high, he was hanging on a "string", it was crazy! Okay, okay, get over it please it was on saturday and today is already wednesday! Ehe. Sorry. Dah basi ek? erk.

Eyh wait, the story hasn't finished yet. I then hopped into your car and ha ha your friends were singing their own version of "kantoi" by zee avi, it was something like "so I called and called sampai you answer, you kata sorry sayang td tak dgr, my phone was on silent, I was at the concert, tapi latar blakang bla bla" haha. Then I checked my phone, oh I got 22 missed calls. Ehe :)

I need a good night's sleep to "Qada" my sleepless nights, for the sake of getting fcuking education, oh yeah all the testshits and presentashits and ASSignments, and yes that's the reasons why I couldn't be able to post this entry earlier, I'm a very busy woman, darlings. Oh I'm so fuckbhbsdgv hndbeq hwbdghwgoodnight zzzzzzzzz...

Post yang sgt random di hari khamis.

2009-08-13T12:28:00.004+08:00

Hello world. Just for the record, I'm still alive and kickin'. I've been busy the whole week, busy as ever. Sem 6 is a nightmare. But sem 7 will be worse I guess. Teaching is indeed a serious business, baby. The kids' future is in my hand. *gulp* Oooh kay. But one thing for sure, I'm gonna rock on and them students will love me, Oh yeaahhh darling, U 'uh! Ehe. The issue is, I can never understand why teachers are only allowed to wear ONLY baju kurung to school. I mean, come on! What harm can it do? We are in 2009, like hello?? can you imagine a Kemahiran Hidup teacher teaches her students how to do all the "kerja tukang" in a baju kurung? Yes, I'm not gonna teach K.H, but what about my class activities that involve a lot of movement, i.e: role play, games, drama? Yes I know it is so nice to see a woman wearing Baju Kurung, she sure looks super ayu, sopan, pingitan or what-nots in the baju kurung, but try wearing it on a hot sunny day, ugh the torture, I tell you aa.. you cannot imagine ooo! There's no practicality at all, so how can we.. okay nvm, it's the system, I know. bla bla bla. I rest my case. Ugh!

I have so many assignments need to be done but yeah I have to know how to enjoy life as well, I won't be too hard on mydearself. But hey, Ramadhan is around the corner so I will minimize my Huhahuha activities (cheh apa yg kau hu ha kan sgt pon, g class-balik class-dok umah jer pon!) Ehe.

Anyway, I have to go to class now. Later.

Ugh, it is so random, I know! Oh crap.

Bye bye for now.

SURAT CINTA YANG GEEK.

2009-07-21T20:49:00.009+08:00

Who says literature can't give a big impact on our lives? okay, read the story below and you'll know what literature can do to your life. Literature has made this particular student realizes what she should have realized long before but failed to do so. (pls note that some of the characters are made up, and this is not entirely a true story. This story has nothing to do with the writer, it is adapted from someone else's story.)

Dear Achilles,

I still remember the first time we met, it was 4 years ago. I was with M (who happen to be your friend) and oh baby I got my eyes on you oh yeah, and I said to M "awk, kwn awk tu cute la tapi selekeh nak mampos!" I still remember precisely the jeans that you wore that day and I love your serabai hair the most. You were such a snob you didn't even bother to say hi or sit with us you were just so annoying. I can still remember it today. Precisely.

4 years later, we met again by chance. After a few messages in friendster, and almost every night spent chatting at ym, we decided to meet up. It was in december, but the 'date' didn't go well. Then we met again for the 2nd time at exactly the same place with exactly the same gang I was with the previous date, my ex F and his friends. and again it sucked. The third time we met, we went hanging out with your two other friends (my ex M and your friend S) and again, it was a disaster. The ex F didn't approve our 'relationship' and went 'kecoh' the whole night. You had to go back to your hometown and I didn't have a place to stay. You called my ex M for suggestions and he told you to send me home but I refused to because it was already so late and I decided to stay at my girlfriend's house at Bangi. You sent me there (and I still owe you a full tank but unfortunately your babe's gone). That night, I fell in love for the first time with you. It was at the petrol station while you were busy checking your car and you winked at me and I was like 'OMG i think I'm in love!', You wore your blue topshop t-shirt and your favorite short. Then you dropped me off a few blocks away from my friend's apartment, gave me a peck on the cheek and drove off the road. I will remember every detail of that night forever, cuz baby, it was the night that I have fallen for you.

Months have passed by, we are still in love with each other. We are so head over heels in love, sun shines brighter, flowers smell nicer, the grass is greener, suddenly my world becomes so colourful and so meaningful. You are like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life. Despite all the differences, we compliment each other. You are too laid-back, I need to relax a bit and take things easy at times. You are so loud and kecoh, I am shy and quiet. You love playing video games, I like to cook for you (tho it may taste awful but I cook with love anyway). You love blue, I heart red. You love Rasik's kashmir naan, I like Rasik's nasi goreng. You love sneakers, I love Mars. You said sonnet 130 isn't realistic, I said it's beautiful. You adore Brad pitt, I adore Angelina Jolie. Troy is your favorite, mine is 300. But it's funny how we enjoy each other's company, we can spend the whole day doing nothing, we can talk about anything, we feel very comfortable together. I love you, the smell of your skin is addictive, your voice (though when you sing agak sengau sket) is what I want to hear everyday, it's like a music therapy when you sing "more than words". Your touch is magic it flushes my pain away. You are my own personal brand of Ecstasy, you are so addictive, I just can't imagine what my life will be w/o u.

A few days ago, we were still fiercely in love. I was still your sayang and you were still my top priority (you still are). What has happened to us? Where did it go? Where has the love gone? I love you still, I will always do. The exes and the past shouldn't get in the way! Lovers should not be invisible to one another, both parties have to make the effort to work things out, DO NOT IGNORE OR NEGLECT YOUR LOVER, appreciate him/her, and try to treat him/her right. Dear, I never want to say goodbye. How can I master the art of losing if I never want to lose you. This is not goodbye. We will make it, we can work things out, we can survive. Because our love is pure and sincere. It can't be altered, it doesn't vary when someone tries to lure us away from each other (I promise not to make your ex and your past a big deal anymore, and please promise me you won't ignore me, pls at least let me watch your victory-ceyh padhal x hebat pon maen game tu bising jer lebeyh). Our love should be strong, we should still have it even after the doomed, it shouldn't vary with time, even if the glow of youthfulness passes from us, it shouldn't vary because of time, it stays constant forever. And that's what our love supposed to be, sayang.

I know I've wronged you, I couldn't trust you, I let my emotional won over my rationality. But love, I've realized this during my shakespeare class. Sonnet 116 has changed me in some ways. I have to be more rational, because love is the marriage of true minds. Why minds not hearts? Because with strong minds, then only we can have strong hearts, and with true minds, the things that we do, our actions, will be sincere, from the heart. If I wasn't too emotional, if I use my rationality to at least try to understand your justification over your action, which involves your ex who still has not moved on and who is still trying to get back with you, things could have been different now. I know I over reacted, but sayang, she is your past, I am your present, so please I do not want it to be the other way around later. I love you so much. Is it too late to unravel our mistakes? Can we still have it? I love you, I really do. Please don't say goodbye. This is not goodbye.

Now I know I was wrong. Whatever shit happens, it shouldn't compromise our love. We are tested (the exes, the lack of attention, our differences, etc), we should face it rationally. Do not let emotional wins over our rationality. So thanks to shakespeare and my lecturer, who have given me a new insight. Sonnet 116 has given us a new hope, hopefully. Ceyh walaweyh.

Yours truly,
Briseis

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Good Food, Get Fat.

2009-07-07T23:03:00.017+08:00

My sis is 2 months pregnant now. Hoyeeaaah! I'll be "Bonda" in February! She's been craving for my homemade chicken pie so yeah I made her some last night. How sweet and thoughtful. Haha.

And today is kakak's 2nd year anniversary. Long live kakak and Abg Nuar! We went to eat out to celebrate their 2years-and-still-loving-fiercely-marriage last night. And yes, I've gained weight, I don't know how much I've gained but I'm pretty sure I'm no longer 48kg! Fooooooke! So, I'm so gonna go on an exercise frenzy and low carb diets and gonna kick them fugly fats goodbye! I wanna be 47kg, or settle at maintaining 48kg. Ugh. So much for the excessive food indulgence! Farysa said I am 65kg, wtf. haha. I am not skinny, honey, but I'm happily healthy. Okay, okay, I'm fuglily fat but you'd love me still, no? haah okay. Do not answer, cuz the truth hurts. Tsk.

This is my fav season of the year, Durian season! Hoyeaaahh! Hey did someone say something about being on a low carb diet or something? Err. No, neah, it wasn't me, I love durian and fatty foods! Yummy!!! Oh screw myself! Sheessh!

On a different note, I didnt go to class today. Tomorrow, if God wills it, I'm gonna go to class, my very first class of the new sem, though for everybody else, it's gonna be the third day of class for the new sem. I couldn't care less. And that's a BAD sign. Real bad. I'm so in trouble. I'm in semester 6 and how the hell am I gonna fix and upgrade my cGPA if I'm still like this, man?! I really should turn over a new leaf! I know I've vowed to be a geek, but err.. okay. I'm gonna be a geek, I'm gonna be a geek, I'm gonna be a geek.

Random: Watta can't stop playing MJ's songs on youtube, funny enough, he didn't seem to know who Mj was, and now, tadaaaa! He's suddenly MJ's biggest fan but err.. after his death? How ironic.

want some, yaw?

Finding Mr. Right

2009-07-01T17:14:00.019+08:00

It's been almost a month since my last post. Shhesh. Where has my inspiration gone? Neah. I'm just plain lazy.

So now, let's get serious. Eehermmmm Eheermm *clears throat*

How do you know if your current partner is your Mr. Right? Could he be the one? The answer is- you don't know. you will never know. But hey, you could read the signs, ask yourself these Qs though you might not have a clear answer to them:

1. Are you happy with him now? (the way he treats you, the way he makes you feel, the manipulation of the words-the L word)
- Look at the way he treats you. Does he make you happy? Does he respect you? I know you love him, and there goes the there's-no-limit-to-the-amount-of-tolerance-because-I-love-him talk eventhough you have been mentally and emotionally tortured by this guy and deep down you've been hoping that he would treat you BETTER. You know it yourself that you deserve BETTER than this, you deserve the BEST indeed. When you love someone who treats you badly, it's friggin' difficult to make sense of it. Don't gamble your life away by being with someone who treats you like shit, despite his sweet love confession and what nots, he is being a jerk to you, a total asshole, and he doesnt friggin deserve you, so wake up! Don't lie to yourself if you're not happy with him. Don't give yourself lame excuses like, 'I know he's been treating me like shit, but I KNOW that he LOVES me, cuz he says that he loves me, he just doesn't know how to SHOW it' or 'I know he loves me. I just have to be patient. One day he'll realize that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he'll change'. Lets be realistic here, is it worth to put up with all his nonsense? You're putting your life at stake. Obviously, he doesnt care about you. If he doesnt respect you, he never will. If he doesn't know how to treat you well, he never will. If he doesn't care about your feelings, he never will. Don't give yourself false hope. He will NEVER change. Becuase if he really, trully loves you, he will do whatever it takes to make you happy. NOW or never. The longer you stay in the relationshit, the more damage you'll do to yourself. You're not giving him time to change, you're giving him more time to torture you and make you feel like a total shit. Bee, 23 says "I've been in this relationshit for over 3 years with F and he's been making my life a living hell. I wasn't happy but I stayed long enough, hoping that he would change. He said he will change, he would treat me better but he never will so bye-bye lah Mr. Faggot. I used to believe that he was my Mr. Right and that's the reason I stayed so long but I was wrong and now I'm so better off w/o him. I am so over him and now everything is sweeter because of the bitterness i've tasted when I'm with him. yay! I feel oh-so-gay! hoyeaaahhh!" Don't sabotage yourself, don't give him room to sabotage your life, if you're not happy with him now, you will never be (Badjie, 2009). So i warn you, he CANNOT friggin' be your Mr. right if he doesnt friggin' know how to treat you friggin' RIGHT! *breathe*

Okay, if he makes you happy yippy and just want to jump over the moon, and when you're together it feels like you're defying gravity and walking on air, if he treats you well and you two are just so head over heels in love with each other, then maybe he can probably be your Mr. Right. According to Xbietaquauallah (2009) just pray that your relationship will last forever and avoid things that will damage your relationship, if you're meant to be together, you will be together and he will be your Mr. Right, if God wills it. But lets look at the next point.

2. Will you be happy "happily-ever-after" happy with him? (what his future holds, does he have what it takes to be the one?)
- Okay, he treats you well, he makes you happy, he respects you. All checked. Yay! So, let's proceed to the next point. Let's look at the long-term-happiness policy. What does he do for a living? What his future holds? How would your parents/family respond to him? Is he the type of guy you bring home to meet your parents?(all parents want only the best for their children so if your parents disapprove him, there must be a reason behind it (though some parents are being impossible, not reasonable and so demanding but that's totally a different story.)) How is he living his life? Will he be able to guide you? Will he be able to be the head of your family? Will he be a good husband to you and a good father to your kids? Is he a responsible man? Does he hold a high morality? Is he physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially and morally balanced? Yes, he treats you well and he makes you happy now, but that's not good enough. You sure want to live happily ever after with your own personal brand of Edward Cullen (ugh, Edward who?) so you have to make sure that this man has what it takes to make it happen.

3. Do you want to spend your lifetime loving him? (will you be able to go through shits together? Will you be able to sustain the long hot puppy love romance that you're experiencing now? )
- Yes, the world will stop moving when you are together. Everything is so beautiful when you are with him, the grass is greener, the sun shines brighter, every sound that you hear is music, everything that you touch is magic. But imagine your future together, do you really want to be with him? Do you want to spend your whole life with this man? Imagine 40 years from now, will you still hold hands and share a laugh, sitting under the sun reminiscing the good old days? Will you still look at each other in the eyes the same way you do now? Are you ready to go through shits together? Life's hard. You'll face a gazillion problems, problems with your job, children, family, financial problems, your parenting skills, bla bla you get my drift. Can he be the one who'll lighten your burden? Will he be the one who you want to share your problems with and help you go through your bad days? Will he be your confidence when all else fails and when the going gets tough? Will he be the one who can share your every moments of laughter and happiness and shed your every drop of tear? Will he be there whenever you need him? Will he make a sacrifice for you? Will he be able to taste the bittersweetness of your life? will he be the one you can always rely on? Will he encourage you in whatever you do or you want to do? Can he be a superhusband/best friend/superlover/soulmate/superhero/guardian angel to you? If the answer to all the Qs is YES, then he can be on your 'husband-material' list of bfs and let's hope that he IS your Mr. Right.

4. err. I'm running outta ideassss. What else eh? Okay, jodoh ditangan Allah. Kita hanya berusaha, Allah tentukan. Jangan berharap sgt nanti frust menonggeng. Mungkin kau kawen dgn dia, mungkin tidak. Mungkin dia jodoh kau, mungkin dia jodoh kau sekarang atau setakat ini, mungkin dia jodoh kau selamanya. Mungkin dia lah Encik betol/Benar/kanan kau mungkin juga bukan. Semua ditangan Allah. Okay kenapa pasrah sgt isi nombor 4 ini dan kenapa tiba2 alih bahasa? huhu. (mentol dah x menyala kalau dalam cartoon eyh typo, kartun).

Okay, this whole Bee's Mr. Right MANual is just a theory. He is your partner, he might be the love of your life but is he your Mr. Right? According to Badjie (2009) I don't know if he's the one, but the only thing that I'm positive about is he is your Mr. Right...now and your Mr. right now might turn out to be your Mr. right if you're lucky enough. yay! Let's hope for the best. Whoever your Mr. right is, God knows what's the best for you :)

Caution: Finding Mr. Right isn't easy. Probably, you will be settling for Mr. Okay because Mr. Perfect doesn't exist, but Mr. His-imperfections-are-what-make-him-perfect-in-my-eyes could be your Mr. right :)

My Mr. Right :)

by: Badjie Xbietaquauallah, University of Life, 2009. (in case if sesapa nk quote senang la nk buat citation.) haha. okay kau budget kau Jean Piaget la bee? cis.

2330052009

2009-06-03T10:42:00.027+08:00

*1986-2009*
Let the pictures do the talking :)

*3 years old(1989)*

*4 years old(1990)*

*5 years old(1991)*

*16 years old(2002)*

*17 years old (2003)*

*17 years old(2003)-graduation MRSM Taiping*

*18 years old(2004)*

*19 years old(2005)*

*20 years old(2006)*

*21 years old(2007)*

*22 years old(2008)*

And on last saturday, (may 30th 2009), I was still 21, forever 21 (eheh I mean 21+2), Jeeeaaahh! I am now officially 23 years young (old?)! Hooyeaahh!

*23 years (not-so) old(2009)* T_T
Ini dah pass nk kawen ni. huhu.

The darling buds of may

2009-05-28T13:29:00.010+08:00

Voila!

For the recipe, click here.

But my secret ingredient is.... of course the "kangkang" ritual! hahahaha.

No, the secret ingredient is actually LOVE :)

Gila besar kan? It's a 10 inch (25 diameter) apple pie, the biggest I've ever seen, and of course the biggest I've ever made (mind you, it's my first attempt making apple pie, duhh). I don't know how bad it taste, but they ate the whole pie anyway. Mok, you vomited because of the pie or 'air syorga' tu ek? But Mok, I'm proud of you. It takes courage to do what you did to her :)

I'm sorry, I ain't Jamie Oliver, but darl, I made it with love :)

So, what next? Bring it on! Spaghetti bolognese? Spaghetti carbonara? macaroni and cheese? Baru lah absolute Italian kan. (ceceyh, padhal guna prego). Eyh tapi kau orang jgn mintak risotto ker chicken cacciatore ker frittata ker sudeyh aku bukan ratatouille macam Pak long. huhu. Okay la aku buat omelette jer la okay. (haa, ngaku pon hanya mampu goreng telur ; p) haha.

Yay, I'm turning 23 this saturday :)

Kisah kantoi kau

2009-05-21T23:01:00.007+08:00

This song is dedicated to... ehem ehem. siapa2 sahaja lah yang berkenaan okay?

Semalam I call you, you tak answer. You kata you keluar pergi dinner. You kata you keluar dengan kawan you. But when I called Tommy he said it wasn't true.

So I drove my car pergi Damansara. Tommy kata maybe you tengok bola. Tapi bila I sampai you, you tak ada. Lagilah I jadi gila.

So I called and called sampai you answer. You kata sorry sayang tadi tak dengar. My phone was on silent, I was at the gym. Tapi latar belakang suara perempuan lain.

Sudahlah sayang, I don't believe you. I've always known that your words were never true. Why am I with you, I pun tak tahu. No wonderlah my friends pun tak suka you.

So I guess that's the end of our story. Akhir kata she accepted his apology. Tapi last last kita dapat tahu she was cheating too. With her ex boyfriend's best friend - Tommy :)

Hollyfookingshit it's a good one! I just love this song omigod!

Okay lagu ini untuk kau-kau sekalian yang tak reti nk contact orang yang tersayang. (eyh relevant ker?) ah lantak ah nk ckp gak. Eyh jap, lagu ini untuk kau-kau yang suka curang. (mcm familiar la bau curang itu) haha. Yerla, mana tau satu hari tu bf korg teranta msg tersalah nama pompuan lain seperti Sara padhal nama korang Bedah atau Minah, dan dgn bijaknya dia cover cakap, "sayang, Sara tu bukan nama pompuan la, Sara tu stands for SAYANG AWAK, RINDU AWAK." Oh sungguh bijak padhal itu memang nama pompuan. So lagu ini untuk si kau-kau yang memang bijak sangat lah IQ mesti 277 mengahkan Marilyn vos Savant.

P/s: wishing you (kau yang berkenaan dan kawan2 kau) best of luck for your ACCA exams this June. Jgn repeat sian kt kekaseh kau yang sangat tabah dan independent itu nanti dia kawen kena lambat kang nak tunggu kau grad. Tsk tsk.

Apple pie to the rescue! I've never made apple pie before so that would be my first attempt, we'll see how it goes. (Asyik2 tgk youtube how to make apple pie. Sampai muntah okay tgk!) Kalau tak sedap kau dan kawan2 kau abeskan jugak ek ngader nk yg besar dan bulat (cis, aku baru mcm nk beli kat McD jer sbnanyer) sanggup tu kalau xda gerigi kt tepi2 pon takper tapi mesti/wajib/mandatory/kene BESAR dan BOOLAT, tamo yg petak2, tamo kecik, tamo cheesecake, tamo muffins, tamo semua hanya mahu APPLE PIE! huhu T_T. Dah la aku tak pnah buat menda alah apple pie tu. Naseb baik aku seorang yang sabar dan sweet. haha. (aku buat apple pie kangkang baru kau tau smorg ikot cakap aku jer nanti padan muka!) *evil thoughts, evil thoughts* hehe :)

Dia memang tak sangat lah ke dalam kau

2009-05-15T17:27:00.010+08:00

Dealing with the XY chromosomes can be difficult, almost impossible at times. So, ladies, my advice is, do not blame yourself if your boyfriend is acting like a jerk. Yes Durrah, I know it's so friggin hard to find a guy who knows how to treat us girls right. But girls, you don't waste your time thinking "what have I done?" "what went wrong, did I screw up?" or "did I mess things up?" or "Is it because I'm not that pretty? Am I fat and ugly?" Read the signs. It's simple, he's either into you, or he's not.

It's true that during the first few months he would treat you like a diva, a princess, he'd obey your every command, he'd be under your love spell, he'd want to spend every minute of evey day with you and blah blaa, you get the drift. He'd be head over heels in love with you, everything about you was so addictive, you were like his own personal brand of Heroin or something. Yes, but it doesn't last long (or does it? Okay maybe it does, If he's Noah and you're his Allie Hamilton. Huhu.)

But here's the case, after he got you, a couple of months later, things change. So deal with it. I know it's hard but you gotta move on. He doesn't call or text you not because he has no credit or the people around him have no creadit or the phone isn't working, but because he just DOESN'T FRIGGIN' WANT TO. Whatever his excuse is, if he wants to contact you, he will.

Okay, maybe he's so busy. He's busy studying for exams, playing video games, watching football, that he doesnt even have the time to even send you a text! 24 hours a day isn't seem to be enough for him! Whoa! But we girls are busy too! We can work, study, think, eat, chat and SMS all at the same time. Why can't you send your girlfriend ONE sms while you are so busy with your "workload" and your "important business"? (but Alex Fletcher, you're just great, jgn terasa. huhu.)

Men know how to use the phone. When you like someone, they just don't slip your mind. You know they mean it when they actually do what they said they were going to do. Men are never too busy to get what they want. If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. You deserve a fucking phone call.

So, if he really wants you, if he really appreciates and respects you, he will call or text you. (Ouch! It... hurts. It rings the bell) oh damn :'( Okay you can be optimistic by saying, "oh it's okay I know he loves me" or "he will call/text, I know he will, I just have to wait" or "it's okay, we're fine like this, I have to be more independent/understanding" but who are you kidding? If that is the way he loves you, well, I feel sorry for you, really. Listen to your conscience, is this what you really want in a relationship? *Sigh 32578 times*

Okay where was I? Oh yea, ladies, remember, actions speak louder than words! Don't be fooled by the "sayang", "dear", the L word, or his poetic (or pathetic?) love confession. Don't let him drag you through the unsatisfying, unhealthy relationship (or relationshit?). Just put a s.t.o.p to it. It's going nowhere. Really. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains and cross seas to keep the girl he loves. He'll do anything to make it work, trust me. He'll put aside his massive EGO and chase you, not wanting you to go, not wanting this to end. If he doesn't do anything, and just let you "enjoy" the silent treatment, maybe he still loves you, he still misses you, but HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself. There's nothing worse than having no answer. No answer is your answer. Don't give him the chance to reject you again. There's no mystery-he's gone and he wasn't good enough for you

Just leave. Over and out. Let him miss you :)

Okay, sekian.

Dia memang tak sangat lah ke dalam kau (He's just not that into you ) huhu :'(

Oh fooke I miss Farysa.

Baci e abbracci per voi, la mia cara.

P/s: Silent treatment doesn't work for me. It tortures me emotionally. Thank you.
P/s/s: Jom merempit tgh2 malam carik butterscotch dkt 7e! Tehee :)

Yang memang tak sangat ke dalam kau,
Bee <3

kebodohan hari ini

2009-04-27T00:11:00.016+08:00

Stupidity of the day: Wearing high heels to the PWTC book fair and I ended up walking barefoot.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

Okay stop laughing, people!

Stop laughing!

I mean it!

Just stop laughing!!!!!

Grrrrrrrrr!

P.S.: I'm thinking about killing myself out of the shame and embarrassment, and if I'm still alive after the suicide attempt, I vow I'll never ever go to PWTC again without a mask on.

P.S.S.: Okay, I will start mask-hunting tomorrow. I want to buy a mask that will highlight my eyes. I want it to make my eyes look bigger and super sparkling. *wink wink*

P.S.S.S.: Buttercup, Blossom or Bubble? Oh this is so hard!! It's so friggin hard to choose btwn them three girls!! Okay, I hate blue, so bubble is out. Buttercup is quite robust, so I don't like her. Okay I'll go for Blossom! She's pink and she looks very faminine. Yay.

P.S.S.S.S.: If you happen to see any Blossom wandering around PWTC, don't ask for her autograph. She might not be the real Blossom! Ohhhhh!!

Oh btw, I did not buy any books, I couldn't find the book that I wanted to buy so friggin' much! Thank you very much for the sore feet instead! *emo*

But hey hey hey! Look what I've found!

Palestine/gaza muffler scarf. Yippy! : )

Harap maaf atas muka kepenatan/selekeh/berminyak/berjerawat (cis tak bole nk cover la babe xtau guna adobe photoshop) ditambah pulak kaki saket yg memijak segala najis mutawasitah dkt PWTC. sigh. Eyh2, lantak lah kan cuma nak tunjuk scarf terbaek tu jer sebenarnyer! tehee : )

Carutan karutan lalutan berlarutan

2009-04-24T17:51:00.003+08:00

I wanna get wasted! weehooo! No, mister. I don't drink. I get wasted my own waaaaayyyy! (like what bee, diet coke? duhh!) Okay, I need to get wasted, the alcohol-free kind of get wasted bole tak? Tak bole bee, tak bole. Itu bukan get wasted namanya. sigh sigh. So how can I get absolutely wasted so that I can forget my name and just be insanely free? The answer is, no you can't. You need your sanity, young girl (eyh young lah sgt!) Besides, jgn nak pasan, kau tu belom start paper lagi okay? *sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh* (eyh monolog dalaman pon nak tulis kat blog ker?)

Okay, I don't really know what to write so I crap. sigh. I need to be smart lah weyh next time to write something intellectual, perhaps? *ROTFL* something INTELLECTUAL?? haha. Okay, I'll try.. someday.. ceceyh sudah lah kau bee.

Kenapa blog ni dah jadik mcm rojak? kejap in English kejap in Bahasa. Oh that's because I try to utilize both languages in my writing. Ah sudah lah kau bee. Okay I better stop. I really need some fresh air! I need just the right level of oxygen supply to my brain so that it can function at its best. So I won't crap like this. So I can write something INTELLECTUAL. hahaha. But hey, maybe I need to get away, you know, go to somewhere where my heart belongs to? Like err.. Brandon Boyd's place? haha. No. I mean, yes that too, but I'm talking about tranquility.. Like mauritius island, Maui, Bali.. or PD pon boleh lahhh. sigh. Oh please, not PD again! Kasi la best siket like, Redang, Tioman.. hehe. Eyh how about Segamat? hahaha.

Okay, seriously, I need to S.T.O.P writing craps.

Bye bye.

P/s: Weehoooo!!! esok sabtu! ehem ehem :)

Kenapa ek?

2009-04-20T00:25:00.003+08:00

Logik tak kalau kita tak dapat rasa sedih pada waktu yang sepatutnya kita bersedih? seperti break up, kehilangan duit, terlepas dateline anta ASSignment, kecurian kereta, results yang tidak berkaler terbang dan sebagainya? Okay la amek satu contoh la, break up. Ini contoh jer la okay.

Logik tak kalau kekaseh minta break dan anda tak rasa apa2? Di suatu petang ahad yang relaxing, anda dudok menonton TV bermalas2an bersama family tersayang, tiba2 mendapat mesej ringkas daripada kekaseh seperti: I think we should call it off. Since you said I'm unattached, so good bye then. Anda baca tapi anda xtahu macamner nak respond. Macam tak tau nk sedih or nak happy ker apa. In fact, anda try nak sedih tapi xtau mcmner. Pelik bukan?

Pelik tak kalau anda rasa itu seperti tidak real. Adakah itu dinamakan anda "in denial"? Adakah itu tandanya anda tidak mahu menerima kenyataan yang kekaseh anda mahu berpisah dengan anda atas alasan anda claim dia sebagai "unattached"? Anda marah, tapi sebenarnya tak lah nak marah sangat, anda nak nangis tapi macam apa lah yang nak disedihkan sangat sebab kalau dia nak blah, sila lah.., anda geram, okay mungkin. Tapi anda still tak tau apa yang anda rasa. Macam anda rasa "numb". Mungkin anda terluka tetapi terlalu ego untuk mengakuinya?

Dan anda pon masuk ke bilik anda, sebab kat luar kan ramai orang so memang la malas mahu tunjukkan emosi anda, okay lepastu anda pon masuk ke bilik anda untuk bersendirian sambil berfikir tentang semua. Mungkin mental cognitive anda tidak dapat mengkod segala mesej yang cuba disampaikan oleh kekaseh, eyh silap, bekas kekaseh anda tadi. Jadi anda perlu masa bersendirian untuk menginterpretasi segala menda. Dan mungkin anda perlu menangis sebab berpisah, rasa seperti suicidal dan sebagainya.

Pelik tak kalau anda try menangis tapi tak boleh, try nak sedih, okay sedih la tapi tetap tak boleh menangis. Malah anda paksa untuk menangis sebab kebiasaanya kalau berpisah dengan kekasih mesti orang akan menangis, tak mahu makan, sedih dan sebagainya bukan? Jadi anda pon cuba untuk merasakan semua itu, tetapi tidak juga berjaya sepenuhnya, walaupon anda bersendirian didalam bilik anda.

Pelik kan? haha.

Mungkin pelik. Tapi percayalah. Bagi pendapat saya, itu mungkin kerana anda tak mahu berpisah, anda tak mahu menerima perpisahan itu, anda tak tau macamaner nak hadapi itu semua. Atau mungkin jugak anda sangat ego. Mungkin anda rasa membuang masa bersedih atas perkara seperti berpisah dengan kekasih. Hati anda dah menjadi tebal kesan daripada pengalaman bercinta dan berpisah sebelum ini. Anda rasa macam kalau kekaseh, eyh silap bekas kekaseh, err, ntah la apa title yang sesuai, okay lah bekas kekaseh mungkin, okay kalau bekas kekasih anda dah tidak mahu bersama anda lagi, untuk apa anda bersedih, sila pergi sahaja. Sebab kalau dia betol sayang anda pasti dia tidak akan mahu meninggalkan anda, jadi anda berfikir, kalau dia tak sayang anda, buat apa membuang masa bersedih untuk dia dan untuk hubungan yang memang hipokrit ini? Jadi anda pon membuat keputusan untuk tidak mahu bersedih. Lagi pula, kalau orang dah tak mahu, buat apa kesah lagi. Membuang masa anda sahaja bersedih untuk benda seperti itu. Tidak berbaloi. Memalukan. Ntah-ntah dia memang tidak pernah mahu bersama anda jadi biarkan sahaja lah dia pergi.

Mungkin sebab-sebab itu lah yang membuat kan anda tidak dapat/mahu bersedih atas perpisahan itu. Tapi, tipu lah kalau anda tidak rasa sedih sedikit pon kan? mesti lah sedih. tapi sama ada anda ego untuk mengakuinya atau anda tidak dapat menerima kenyataan itu, jadi anda pon memilih untuk tidak mahu tunjuk yang anda sangat sedih seperti janda kematian suami. Anda tidak mahu bersedih walaupon didalam bilik sendirian. Padahal, pastinya anda sangat sedih sebenarnya. Kerana setiap perpisahan itu kan meninggalkan kenangan tentang kisah cinta korang dan meruntuhkan segala harapan yang sudah terbina, pastilah sedih. Atau mungkin juga anda terlalu sangat gila-gila sedih sampai tahap anda tak dapat telan atau menzahirkan kesedihan itu? Oh alamak confuse la pulak ni mana satu ni? sigh.

Percayalah. Perpisahan itu sangat memedihkan. Anda tidak boleh tidur nyenyak dimalam hari dan bila anda bangun dari tidur, anda merasa sangat tak best dan berharap anda tidur dan tidak bangun kerana orang yang anda sayang itu bukan lagi menjadi milik anda. Anda tidak akan dapat melihat wajahnya ketika anda bangun tidur lagi, tidak dapat pegang tangannya lagi ketika berjalan-jalan, tidak dapat mencium bau sunsilk dirambutnya lagi, tidak boleh kupaskan udang untuk dia sewaktu makan, tidak boleh pileh2 baju untuk dia lagi, tidak boleh tengok bola bersama lagi, dan sebagainya. Mungkin, anda memang patut bersedih atas perpisahan itu. Anda perlu belajar menerima kenyataan. Perlahan-lahan anda perlu telan semua itu. Lepas tu, anda teruskan hidup anda. Hidup anda yang baru. Tanpa dia.

Entah la. semua itu cuma theory jer. Mana lah saya tahu kenapa anda tidak boleh menangis atas hubungan separuh jalan anda bersama kekasih atau baru menjadi bekas kekasih anda itu. Semua jawapan pasti anda sendiri yang tahu.

Maaf, post ini agak messy. tak tahu macamaner nak susun ayat-ayat yang lebih efektif dan sesuai. Tak tahu macamner nak susun apa yang ada dalam otak ini untuk menjadi bait bait susunan ayat yang berstruktur dan bersinteks (syntax?) yang sesuai. huhu. Kalau tak faham, maaf lah.

P/S: dah 36 hari kot, tapi nampaknya macam takkan selamanya jer :'(

Bebas dari research proposal hooyeaahh!

2009-04-09T23:33:00.004+08:00

I'm officially PROPOSAL-LESS. yayyyy!! no more burning the mid night oil ek kawan2 seperjuangan. Pls la for my dearest frenz from other classes, pls pls pls, pleassseee envy us! hehe.

BTW kakak told me the other day that there's a form about weird names in Malaysia and our names r stated there! *Bangga* ada gak org acknowledge kewujudan kiter.

voila. click here.

17-1-2007 10:00 salwani911
[quote]Originally posted by [i]under_13[/i] at 12-1-2007 04:20 PMni nama kwn aku msa drjh 6......BADJIE XATIECUTIEC......x tau la ejaan btul ke x...tp islam..cm name org rusia pn ade gak [/quote]aku rasa akak dia kuliahmate aku da..badjie xietaqullah

18-1-2007 17:40 HoneyD
1. kow tay liat (korang tau kan ape maksudnye..)2. kong keck quat (ni pun sure korang tau)ada lagi nama org asli tp aku lupe la.. nnt klau haku igt, haku post lagi yek..

19-1-2007 01:37 m-zafreez
Reply #447 salwani911's postbadjie xbietaqullah ibadillah... tak silap aku budak mrsm taiping kan dulu...

20-1-2007 08:46 under_13
badjie 2 schoolmate aku,aku tau no tepon umh dier..spe nk pm aku

Oh the last post tu, cis siap advertise lg siapa nk no phone. cis 324591 kali.

DEADlines..

2009-04-05T01:33:00.003+08:00

as deadlines loom..

I'm half dead now.

Okay so here's the list of things that need to be done:

1. Study for test 2- research methodology: 7th April

2. Study for contemporary writing test- 2 novels (haven't read both) : city of glass by Paul Auster and Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan: 7th/8th April

3. Contemporary writing assignment-5 ways of citation: 8th April

4. Sociolinguistic- 5 journal articles- language and gender: 8th April

5. Research- FINAL PROPOSAL : 9th April

6. Creative writing- sketch: 9th April

7. French final (listening): 9th April

8. French-role play: 9th April

9. French- dialogue: 9th April

10. Curriculum and Instruction- course design: 10th April

11. Curriculum and Instruction- e-portfolio: 10th April

12. Reading- Test evaluation (bloom's taxonomy): 13th April

13. Creative writing- all the masterpieces: 20th April

14. Final examinations: 5th and 8th May

I'm soooooo dead! Sooo friggin' dead!

*sigh* 436278799453 times

Enough said.

R.I.P

and I survived..

2009-03-21T17:17:00.005+08:00

It's been quite a long time since I wrote an entry. A lot of things have been happening lately. I've had bad days. Farisya's car has been stolen by some fucktarded prick! ugh. It's sickening. I don't understand why some people are just plain mean and cruel to act in such way. That's so friggin' uncivilized! Stealing someone's car?! Oh come on you retards don't you have better things to do?! Why do you have to make someone else's life a living hell? To the fucktarded jerk who stole farysa's beloved baby, pls just curl up and die n rot in hell!

That's one thing. Another shit is i'm having a friggin' terrible toothache. I couldn't sleep last night and I cried the whole night I just couldn't bear the pain! Funny thing is si pentiru is having the same shit. haha. let's get rongak together nak babe? haha.

Plus, my laptop broke down so I borrowed my dad's and I kindda messed up with it too and it broke down as well and then I used another laptop and the same thing happened. Huh. What is wrong with me? I now have a new nickname. Bee the laptop destroyer. I think I might be a virus. haha.

And then, last week's a disaster. C&I class has been canceled but nobody informed me so I was friggin pissed off I cried so bad because I was so exhausted with the workpiles and what nots. There are so many things need to be done so I couldn't afford to waste time just to come to class only to find out that the class has been canceled! Seriously, I was fuckin upset.

And just now, Tarm told me that the workshop where his skuter was at was on fire last week. So, that's it, his skuter was gone, the fire fiercely "took" it away. Oh what a great coincidence. It is indeed the end of Farysa's car and Tarm's skuter. And my "geraham" tooth too. I will be rongak soon. We will be rongak together kan babe? haha. cool kan?

To top it off, I've gained weight. Thanks to the sinful, comforting carb-loaded meals that successfully make me look fugly and fat. How can I resisit you evil friggin delicious creamy chocolate-rich waffles, ice creams, nutella... and you tasty, finger licking masakan ibu, and also all of you food high in saturated fat that make me bigger and of course fatter! Ugh! I despise you but you are so tempting and I just can't resist to eat and eat!! and become fatter and fatter. sigh.

I told you I'm having bad days. note the plural. but anyways, life goes on. And whatever shit happens, I won't give up on life and will move forward and just SMILE :)

the love of my life

2009-03-11T00:50:00.008+08:00

Dear the man that I love the most,

I know I've been making your life a living hell. I'm the hardest one to handle. But I miss the good old days. Today, I want to wish you a very happy 50th Birthday. I'm sorry for everything. Sometimes I forget that you are the dad and I'm the daughter, not the other way around. I expect you to UNDERSTAND me. But it's impossible you have seven children and I can't be so greedy I can't have YOU all to myself, I need to share you with my six other siblings and two mums, and not to forget, your friggin WORK that steals most of your time! But i miss the good old days, i really do. I hope we could go back to those days where you have all the time in the world to spend with ME. We used to be so close. You used to be my wolverine, you were my superhero, and I used to be your sweet little baby. But things ar different now..

You are still the man that I love the most. I know I break your heart so many times. I rebel. if only you knew that all I want is for us to be like we used to be, and I will be that sweet little girl that will always obey you, like I used to be, not this furious, angry lady that will always go against you. But indeed, things have changed..

You mean the world to me, ayah. I don't know what my life will be without you. We fight almost everyday, i hurt you so many times, but deep inside, I'm hurt too.

I love you, ayah. I will always do. You will always be the man that I love the most.

HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY.

love,
your second daughter.

Tag baby, tag!

2009-02-24T21:02:00.004+08:00

1) Movies.

Please copy the following rules in your post
1. You have to point out 5 romantic movies that you would love to share with your loved ones..
2. It doesn't have to be in order.. as long as you love the movies, it will be fine..
3. You have to tag another 5 person to answer this tag.

i) The Notebook
ii) Twilight
iii) The wicker park
iv) Troy
v) 300

2) Urban Dictionary

Instructions

Go to http://www.dydeealwi.blogspot.com/www.urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you. I guarantee you're gonna find some pretty hilarious results.

1. Your name?
Xbietaquauallah

xbietaquauallah isn't defined yet.

2. Age?
23

The greatest number of all time.

3.One of your friends?
Syariena

syariena isn't defined yet.

4. What should you be doing?
Studying

An excuse you give your friends when you want to stay home alone and masturbate. Also known as 'reading' 'cleaning your room' or writing a term paper.
( Duhh.. I don't agree! Studying is something that will lead to "dying". Stu+dying)

5. Favorite colour?
Fuchsia

Fuchsia is also a flower of lively pink-purple tones, and by addition, the flower's color. In some places, if a man wears clothes of such a color, it means he's gay.

6. Birthplace?
Klang

When you fall on your face trying to catch a football in front of three hot women. Then you go dumpster diving, find clothes that fit you, and keep them.

7. Month of your birthday?
May

Cool; sexy; hot
(haha. I know, darlings)

8. Last person you talked to?
Ayah

Ayah is a girl that has no butt and cant swim. An Ayah lacks beauty as well.
(Ayah in Bahasa means Daddy in English, you retarded!)

9. One of your nicknames?
Bee

Term used to call the love of your life.
(I'm oh so lovable! tehee :) )

3) Answer this!

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Badjie Xbietaquauallah Ibadallah

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle).
Badizzle (I'm bad.. real bad.. Try me!)

3. YOUR SPY NAME: (favorite colour and favourite animal).
Fuchsia Iguana (awesome!)

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number).
Xbietaquauallah Saujana

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, and first 2 letters of your first name).
Ibaba (Oh you don't wanna mess with me! I am Ibaba!)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (your 2nd favorite colour, and favourite drink).
Crimson Latte (I'm soooo Italian, babe!)

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, and 3rd letter of your dads).
AAIAA ( Aiya!)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names).
Iskandar Yaacob

9 . YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Beeble (ololo..beeble bubu blub bluub boo boo cumei nyerrr!)

10 . YOUR HOOD NAME: (first 3 of your first name, and add -iqua).
Badiqua

4) First letters

1. What is your name: Bee.
2. A four letter word: Babe.
3. A boy's name: Brandon Boyd!
4. A girl's name: Briseis (Oh where art thou, my Achilles?)
5. An occupation: Barbie doll kidnapper! haha. No, Ballerina.
6. A colour: Babypink.
7. Something you wear: Bf's T-shirt. Haha. No, boxer (girl's boxer)
8. A food: Brownies!
9. Something found in the bathroom: Bubbles.
10. A place: Boston, beach.
11. A reason for being late: Belly dancing. Haha.
12. Something you shout: Bhooooooooo!
13. A movie title: Breakfast at Tiffany's (Audrey Hepburn okay!)
14. Something you drink: Blueberry smoothie.
15. A musical group: Backstreet boys (Backstreets back, Alright!)
16. An animal: Butterfly.
17. A street name: Bosworth Street, Boston, Massachusetts.

5) I tag:

i) You!

xoxo,
Yang tertag dan mengetag.

The hardest thing to do..

2009-02-18T22:30:00.003+08:00

This is not happening. It's so poignant but it is so real. I screwed up I feel so destructive. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. We've tried hard, but this is inevitable. I don't want to hurt you anymore, I'm so sorry. I wish you happiness. You deserve better. I'm so sorry for everything. If only you knew..

If only you knew..

Thanks for everything, I know this is hard for both of us. I just hope we could have a better ending.

love,
bee.